My 'isms' are churning ...

[xaq75]

'ello

I've read an article in the Scientific American Mind magazine about bigotry and it's set me to thinking about just how racist, sexist, ageist, classist etc I am.

For example, I see way more black men with white woman than black woman with white men and it bothers me. I have no problem with people choosing parteners of another race but I feel kinda threatened by the lack of black woman with white men (I am a white male). I feel somehow demographically excluded by my perceptions ( I say perception because I don't know if what I'm seeing is really whats happening societally). I'd like to see more black woman with white men. I've gotten to the point now that I actually smile when I see a black woman with a white man ... crazy.

What does this mean?

I think this is me being racist but it's not the traditional 'black bad, white good' or vice versa kind of thinking. Is racism deminishing or is it simply permutating as perceptions of race become embellished. I have grown up being exposed repeatedly to stereotypes of blacks and whites and they seem to be ingrained, along with stereotypes of men and woman, young and old, poor and rich, fat thin etc etc.

[kittenhugs]

I think that you know we are all equal. Sometimes wrong thoughts pop in our head that we have to reject. If you find yourself judging someone based on their appearance just tell yourself to stop.

[Grant]

'ello

I've read an article in the Scientific American Mind magazine about bigotry and it's set me to thinking about just how racist, sexist, ageist, classist etc I am.

For example, I see way more black men with white woman than black woman with white men and it bothers me. I have no problem with people choosing parteners of another race but I feel kinda threatened by the lack of black woman with white men (I am a white male). I feel somehow demographically excluded by my perceptions ( I say perception because I don't know if what I'm seeing is really whats happening societally). I'd like to see more black woman with white men. I've gotten to the point now that I actually smile when I see a black woman with a white man ... crazy.

What does this mean?

I think this is me being racist but it's not the traditional 'black bad, white good' or vice versa kind of thinking. Is racism deminishing or is it simply permutating as perceptions of race become embellished. I have grown up being exposed repeatedly to stereotypes of blacks and whites and they seem to be ingrained, along with stereotypes of men and woman, young and old, poor and rich, fat thin etc etc.

It seems to me in this society anyway, that white women are held as a beauty ideal and this is reinforced through relentless advertising and the way in which physical attraction is constructed in America. It's not at all surprising that you would find more white females with black male partners than white males with black female partners. Society gives a decidely different message about black females and there are many stereotypes which attempt to reinforce the message. It sucks, particularly if you happen to be a black female and aren't just observing it as a spectator.

[xaq75]

I've thought that sexual attraction might be linked with stereotypes, it mightexplain the 'your not the man i married' mentality.

Umm ... I'm not worried about judging people, thats far too explicit (as in deliberate). I am worried about how I see people on a more, I suppose you could call it 'preconcious' level affecting the way I see them consciously.

Edited July 23, 2008 by xaq75

[Ceridwen]

What an interesting topic! I have no hard data on this, but I think this is more than just your perception, and there genuinely are far more black men with white women than white men with black women. I would agree with Grant that white women tend to be held up as ideal beauties in our culture. Also, I think we operate according to long-standing implicit hierarchies for both race and sex, hierarchies that privilege whiteness on the one hand and maleness on the other. In this (admittedly overly simplistic) system, white men are doubly privileged where black women are doubly disadvantaged. Since people tend to find partners from levels of society similar to their own, it's much more likely for black men and white women to team up (they each have one advantage and one disadvantage in terms of race and sex) than it is for white men (traditionally the top of the heap) to get together with black women (traditionally among the least advantaged groups in our culture).

None of this is meant to accuse anyone of anything or suggest that *all white men are the most privileged group in our culture or *all black women are disadvantaged--just to describe broad trends. Obviously there are more than two races, so things are much more complicated, for a number of reasons. And clearly things don't have to work this way. I think it's healthy for all of us to have access to models both of physical beauty and of behavior or talent that are drawn from a number of different races.

[xaq75]

The other day I wrote out a list of all the things I think might affect me when I might get to know someone. It's got about thirty things on it so far! No wonder we have stereotypes, people are so complicated.

I think STs serve as a quick and dirty guide on who to approach and who to avoid, kinda like seeing a hose in the grass and thinking 'snake' for an instant. But I also have counter-stereotypes in my mind and it's getting real boring. It's those long term implicit hierarchies that I have issue with.

I'm going to look into Memes and see if that can help shed light on who stereotypes come from.

I wish that famous phrase went "First impressions are the least important".

[Natalie]

Hi Xaq75-

This is a really interesting topic. You are right on in terms of explaining why we have stereotypes... they are an intellectual heuristic (short cut) that allows us to sort thru the tremendous amount of information we have available to us, and store information in our minds in a way that saves time in future situations. We "collect" information about people, how they behave, etc. and store it up for the future, so we know what to expect when we run across that type of person in the future. Stereotypes come from experience both direct and indirect; family, the media, peers, and our own direct interactions with people.

The problem is, as you well know, that stereotypes are not always accurate and can lead to errors in judgment and behavior on our part.

Interestingly, research suggests that mere exposure to people of a particular group that is different isn't enough to combat stereotypes and associated prejudice. What makes a real difference is having people from different groups work together toward a common goal... that is much more powerful.

I don't think I necessarily responded with what you were looking for, but thought I'd throw some additional info out there for us to consider.

[xaq75]

Update 26th August ...

After reading the article on transference I'm thinking that seeing white woman with black men (my original example)is triggering feelings of rejection. I'm not sure if it's transference though. I do see black people as outsiders and newcomers (emotionally) and my child thinking is something like "our woman are going off with them." I feel that woman are unavailiable to me, this is probably transference as I understand it. An Emotioanlly deprived mother unable to relate to me and regulate my affects. My relationship experience with woman is practically non existant, including my own mother who is emotionally unavailiable. So my emotional world must be very immature and predominantly that of a child, maybe even infantile! (not that I throw rattlers at people)

Edited August 26, 2008 by xaq75