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If BP wasn't enough, now this


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My wife and I have always had a close bond but separation was part of the equation. Between deployments for me and seminars for her, we have been apart on and off for 23 years without incidence. Until now that is.

It started so slowly I didn’t see or notice it until it was over whelming. Being more affectionate than normal was the first sign. While not a bad thing, it was abnormal. All I wanted to do was cuddle, hold hands, sleep in and if given the choice to work in the garage or cuddle on the couch I took the couch.

Now, I have separation anxiety so bad it affects my entire day when I am alone. Because I take 6mg Lunesta at night I sleep to about 8am. When I wake the kids are at school and the wife is at work and I am alone. From the moment I wake I am sure the family will never come home. I pace the floors, looking out the windows all the time. I sit in the kids rooms looking at their knickknacks or sit in the living room staring at everyone’s pictures. I even carry their clothing with me from room to room. I feel like a caged animal. Now I know what our old dog felt like as she did the same thing except she manifested her distress by chewing.

Blood work showed my testosterone level was well below normal and I was started on HRT with depo-test injections. Unfortunately my doc is over cautious so I am at a low (100mg monthly) dosing with 3 month rechecks. All my internet research tells me I should be at 300mg weekly. But she went to a few more years of college so she knows everything:rolleyes:

It has become so bad I don’t even go to lunch with my “crew” of buddies. PDoc increased the Pristique to 100mg daily, the Risperdone to 8mg twice a day and the Trileptal to 900mg twice a day. His fear is as he increases doses they will not be covered by the insurance because he is going above recommended dosing levels. It’s only been 5 days of the higher doses so I have to wait for my results but these next 2-3 weeks are going to be hell. I wish my wife didn’t need to work but that is not an option for us right now.


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Hi 08hduc

I can't say that I know what you are going through, although I am alone, I live alone and no one comes to visit too often. I do feel isolated.

Nevertheless, I'll be praying for you. I know that since you talk about being deployed, that it will take time to adjust. The surroundings are not what you had gotten used to. For instance, when I moved to this little place, there was a lot of adjusting that I had to do. I had 6 large rooms, 2 full baths and a lovely dog. I no longer have that, not even the loving dog. So you know I had a lot of adjusting to go through, and still go through.

There is time for everything.

--Thomas Edison

I wasted time, and now doth time waste me.

--William Shakespeare

He who has done his best for his own time has lived for all times.

--Johann von Schiller

Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them.

--Shawn Alexander

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

Rose Kennedy

US wife of Joseph Patrick Kennedy Sr. (1890 - 1995)

God bless, and hope you get better. Maybe someone that has been in the service, like yourself, can help. Does the VA have support meetings?

take care

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Hi again 08hduc-

A few thoughts:

1. Have you thought of trying to shift your sleep hours a bit? - taking the Lunesta earlier so you wake earlier and have some time with everyone in the morning. I have older kids who need to be taken places in the morning, so I have to go to bed earlier (than them, even). After the mad morning rusharound, it's actually a relief when things become quiet again. Then I have a to-do list so I don't wander about in my head too much. Man, that couch always looks far nicer but I feel worse if I just give in to that. And some days I do.

2. Considering what you said about your tactless lunch buddy in another thread, I wouldn’t want to hang out with them either!

3. I’m inclined to want to ‘hermit’ and not see people or go out. But I find it feeds on itself; the less I go out, the less I want to go out, the more depressed I get, the less I go out… etc etc. Sometimes I get so I cringe and get really anxious if there’s a knock on the door or the phone rings and sometimes I just don’t answer and hunker down inside until the person gives up. Going out most days, even briefly for milk, kinda helps give me a reality check that I’m not going totally insane.

4. How do you feel about asking your doc if you can’t please try a higher dose of the hormone?

I might not have understood you correctly. I hope I haven’t offended you.

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