EmpressLeo Posted July 22, 2008 Report Share Posted July 22, 2008 My concern isn't really big as I don't really want to change and I like the way I feel but that in itself is not a good thing and I'm aware of this which is why I'm inquiring. Make sense? Mkay.I've always been somewhat apathetic and that apathy only grows with my age. I hate the fact that there are things regarding other people that I care about but for the most part I remain detached from my emotions. They have become more blunted with each passing year. It's beginning to affect my job performance (I work in retail sales and absolutely hate it because I really don't give a shit if people get what they come in for) but my boss SOMEHOW has faith that I do indeed bring a lot to the table and he's not the only one to say that to me. I don't see it whatsoever because I don't really try and often forget my tasks. Anyway, I take pride in the fact that when I see a hurt child, I could care less if they died or not, as long as it doesn't impact me. And that generally goes for anybody, not just children. That was an example. I'm even known among a few friends and family as having "one emotion" or blunted emotions. Still, I care or act like I care when I really don't. I only do it so that nothing ill will come my way and not for the benefit of the other party. I forget things really easily and frequently and none of my friends expect me to remember anything anyway. It could be a life changing event and I'd be prone to forget about it.I'm often mentally telling myself that nothing anyone says to me is important unless I deem it so and I like that. I don't want to care about people and their problems and I love it. I reward myself when I successfully shrug off something seemingly important. I know I'm not a sociopath or anything like that because that's just top of the line (but I have always idolized the Joker) but the fact that I actually seek this type of behavior in myself is something that I realize is a bit off kilter. Honestly, I'm not even sure if what I type here is really worth typing because it seems so minor to me. Very minor. Nor do I know how to continue with my explanation or if it indeed describes what I feel. I don't really feel anything. I don't want to feel anything but I think I have to. I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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