jazzfuzz Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 The first obsession I remember was regarding the incredible jealousy I had with a girfriend and about our troubled, cheatful relationship. The paranoia was so bad it made me decide to leave her for a while. Could not stop thinking about her with somebody else, bringing up a lot of anxiety.The relationship ended quite badly leaving me hurt, so that I had no other relationship for over a year. After this period I had few dates but the sexual part of them was often a disaster. Then suddenly during a very stressfull period of my life, I started analizing the situation and slowly, putting pieces that seemed logical together, I came to the conclusion that I was gay although I had never been attracted by men whatsoever. I was in my mid 20s and the world collapsed on me, I was goind crazy, anxiety, panic, depression, couldn't think of anything else. I was trying to avoid situations that could make me think about it, even a single word could take my breath away. This went on for several months and eventually, with some medical help and great changes in my life, I slowly came out of it. Had other relationships and things were going quite well, although the homosexuality bug never really disappeared. In the meantime I developed intense fear of flying and obsessive jeaolusy. Now I'm in my late 30s, live with my wife since almost 10 years but looks like things are back in the same way.Almost a year ago, after months of great stress and unhappiness for work and family issues, I had a little breakdown and became obsessed with illnesses. Again great anxiety, depression, no sleep, really thought I was going crazy, must have seen tens of doctors. It took few months to get out of it and then the obsession, with an unexplainable logic, returned to homosexuality. In my entire life I have always liked ladies, never been attracted to men but somehow I'm in this struggle again since few months. I find myseld constantly talking in my head and trying to understand if this is just denial or just another sick obsession. I look at men and I feel a punch in mys stomach, afraid that I might feel or sense something and it seems like my mind is more concentrated on men than wemen now. I immagine sexual encounter and feel unconfortable. I'm totally confused, anguished. I even shared it with my wife as I could not hide it anymore and because I love her so much. I feel guity and contstantly looking for confirmations. Life has become a nightmare, it's my first thought in the morning and the last at night. months ago I decided to put myself in the hands of a psichiatrist and I'm currently taking anafranil which has helped with anxiety but not with the obsession. Next month I will also join a CBT.I hope I will receive some word of encouragment and eventual comments, suggestion, opinions.Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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