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Help with fetishes, please!


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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest GingerSnap

Sexual fetishes are no joking matter. Although I am not sure that psychologists consider sexual addiction as an "addiction", I have come to know of several people who end up toilet flushing their lives away because of them. Early on, it may not seem like a big deal but the dysfunction and shame that can be associated it with them grows with age. With any sexual material, the mind seems to crave more and more. These fetishes usually arise out of something that happened in the teen years if not earlier and are deeply ingrained, not just simply seeing something or reading about something and wondering or thinking you have that affliction. In my husband's case, his first "sexual" turn on taking place between the ages of 14 and 17, became the thing that he craved more and more of over the years. It was his pacifier to make things in his life better. Eventually, he was willing to commit abuse to fulfill his need, he left a good job for a job that had the "smells" associated with his fetish to "feed" it and lost that job and is now unemployed. Before, he had his choice of jobs and the one that he gave up so he could pursue his fetish was a job everyone envied. This is not only the case with him as I have been in two support groups and this is not unusual. He is still in denial that it isn't a big deal. He is just going to stop - the true sign of an addict. He is basically mentally falling apart now that he has no opportunity to "indulge" himself. He passed up many chances for therapy to turn this around but fought it all the way. Now, when his unemployment ends, he is being kicked to the curb. Life is not a fantasy. Get out and live life and get off the computer - you will retrain your brain to desire things that will intensify over time. You are young and sitting around questioning yourself on this stuff - well, it becomes like you are like someone reading a book of medical symptoms - maybe this is what I have, maybe that, maybe all of them - get out and make a life for yourself and I am betting that you will forget all about these obsessions.

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Sorry but I strongly disagree with what ginger snap is saying. For starters it isn't likely that you can just forget a fetish, thats probably as likely as a lesbian forgetting she is attracted to women. I have had fetishes like yours since I can remember, they are intrinsically linked with your psyche. It is still possible to live a good life with a fetish. I have been with my girlfriend for five years, I am on course to have a good career and cope with life reasonably well. The fact that ginger snaps husband chose a job purely to be aroused is probably as indicative of problems with his personality as much as his fetish. I have a boot fetish but have never applied for a job in a shoe shop!

As long as you can find an understanding partner and can accept yourself for who you are having a fetish shouldn't be too much of an issue. I know how you feel because I have been there. The important thing is to control your fetish, don't let it control you! If you are with someone you love who loves you back then you should be able to have a normal sex life and hopefully be allowed to introduce your fetish occasionally. It is important to have normal sex and not purely indulge your fetish because this will desensitize you and then your fetish may reach a chronic level.

I think there are different degrees of a fetish, some people are so obsessed they end up getting into trouble. They put themselves in that position by continuously feeding their fetish until nothing else mattered. If you are intelligent i'm sure you will not allow yourself to get into this position. Good luck!

Ginger Snap: You will scare this boy by making out he will turn into some kind of a monster! Given that you don't have a fetish I don't see how you can offer such an authorative opinion because you just don't understand. To say you can just forget a fetish is ignorant and patronising.

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