day after let down

[fibi8]

Any help would be appreciated. I have been taking meds for depression for about 10 years. I am a straight, over 50 female with a husband and 3 grown children.

One specific thing that I have no control over is this depression that I get into after I get to see a Reba concert. I am a diehard Reba fan and travel to see her as well. I pay a lot extra for front row seats, then after the concert I should be on such a high, but I really spend a couple of days very depressed. After that I focus on when I will be able to see her again. This has happened over a handful of other things throughout my life. It is all I can think of and I can't and don't want to do anything else during this time.

I have sisters that still tease me over my Doris Day obsession when I was a kid. Please help...I don't know why I can't be happy, thanks for the help.

[Chou-Tonbo]

Hello there,

I'm glad you've come here and shared with us. I'm sorry that you feel down after such a fun time. I'm wondering if you have a 'need' (I am not sure what else to call it) that the Reba concert satisfies, but that you've so far not been able to identify. Generally, we spend money and time on things that fulfill something in us. It seems to me that you have something that is fulfilled by going to the concerts.

If you haven't already, maybe ask yourself some questions about the concerts. Does it matter what songs she performs? Does it matter if it's a large concert or small concert? What would happen if she was ill and couldn't perform that night? Is there a time that you feel best during the concert? Or is it before the concert that you feel the best? Do all the concerts result in similar feelings for you, before, during and after?

I suggest these because they are the types of questions I ask myself when I start obsessing over something. I have learned rather recently that very little in life really is worth complete obsession over. I used to obsess over things, become afraid, then act in anger. Some of the needs were important yet could have been (and now generally are) handled in a much more constructive fashion than the anger that I had used.

Maybe you'll be able to find other ways of fulfilling that need that Reba's concerts satisfy. You'd still be able to enjoy the concerts, but also enjoy the time afterwards too.

I look foward to your thoughts, and other folks' thoughts as well.

-- Chou-tonbo

[Mark]

Another way to think about it is that the buildup to the concert is intense and focused and gives you something to look forward to, whereas after the concert is over, you are left to be alone with yourself. the concert; the facination with Reba; may be a way to escape yourself. Maybe you are using Reba as a sort of self-medication to get away from the insides of your mind, or something hum-drum you experience in your conventional life. That you have depressive and possibly obsessional tendencies may make you especially vulnerable to a crash in the aftermath of a buildup of excitement.

So maybe an answer is working on ways to feel more comfortable and accepting of your convention (inbetween-concerts) life. Such as meditation training and other forms of self-soothing to help you feel calmer? It's an idea anyway.

The podcast linked just below has information on meditation, and there is a link to Shinzen Young's online meditation website on that page too if you want to pursue that and don't have a local option.

An Interview with Shinzen Young on Mindfulness Meditation