Can you help? i think i'm crazy and so do others

[Avalon_May]

I have trouble talking, i don't know wat to say and do in situations

I can't do anything i usually dont do cause i'm scared when ever i do and stop myself from doing it.

i took a online test ages ago and came up that i had a paranoid disorder

took the test again it said i had borderline

many people don't like me and never talk to me so i dont talk to them

i have friends at school (i'm 15) but i cant talk to them bout everything and my close friends are really weird.

i'm so lonely

i feel so empty and i sometimes think about killing myself

but the paranoid thing is stopping me, i'm scared wat ppl will think after i'm dead-i know its stupid

You probably won't understand me and why i think i am so upset and everything, i don't either, i haven't told you everything

but i just need your advice and if you can help me in anyway i will be very great full, i want to be happy.

[Natalie]

Hi Avalon May-

Welcome to our community and thanks for your post. You have provided us with some interesting information about yourself, but it seems like only a "sneak peek". In other words, we need some more detail before we can talk about some specific disorders (if indeed there are any applicable ones).

So, could you share more information with us?

What types of things do you do/feel that lead you to believe that you are paranoid? What specific types of things make you extremely uncomfortable/anxious?

How are your relationships with your family?

I also encourage you to read our article about personality disorders... that would give you an expanded definition of borderline personality disorder, and you could see if any of those characteristics ring true.

FYI- You have to be really careful with online tests. While some are perfectly valid, many are not. I would be very hesitant to self diagnose on the basis of one online test.

[Avalon_May]

Well sometimes i think about doing things and saying things and unless someone asks me about it or do it then i probably don't do it and even then i might say i don't know, or still wont do it.

its Just simple things, I don't talk much-i dont know what to talk about

if i want something, or want to do something like i want to go to a concert and move schools, but i can't, i put off asking it, so i miss the concert and end up still going to a school where people avoid me.

I also get very anxious sometimes in large crowds, i get nervous and walk faster or away.

When ever i walk along a street sometimes i will look at the people in the cars, i know it sounds like i'm a stalker, but i do it cause i'm scared their are strange ppl in the car that could stop and do something bad to me-sounds childish but the area i live in is pretty bad

My family, I get very nervous around my dad, i'm too scared to ask some questions, i am afraid he will think of me badly after i say something

I'm Close with my mum, but again i can't tell her everything, Scared she will mention it to my dad or sister.

My sister teases me about a lot of things, but i feel some things i can only tell her,

i looked at the symptoms for borderline and these seem pretty true for me

1.identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

2.impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

3.affective instability due to a marked reactivity ofmood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

4.chronic feelings of emptiness

5.inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

6.transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Symptoms for paranoid personality disorders that apply to me

1. suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving him or her

2. is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates

3. is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her

4. reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events

5. persistently bears grudges, i.e., is unforgiving of insults, injuries, or slights

6. perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counterattack

Do you think i have these disorders, or is it just me thinking i do?

This is the test i take: www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

[Kalima]

Hi,

I took the test that you posted the link of, it said I was very high in 2 areas - B/Line persoanlity disorder and Avoidant. I personally dont think this online test is very accurate. The problem being many disorders have similar 'symptoms'.

The only place where you can get a comprehensive opinion will be your doctor.

In your last post you listed some points which you believed applied to you, can you provide any examples?

[Natalie]

Hi-

I am not certain where this test came from, so I suspect that the results may not be valid. Psychological tests that have been subjected to rigorous testing usually have links to research results, or at least articles describing the research which has been done to validate them.

I would strongly suggest that you visit a mental health practitioner for a full diagnostic workup.

I also agree with Kalima's suggestion... can you give us specific examples of how you fit those symptoms that you listed? It would be helpful to understand why you think you fit those characteristics.

[Avalon_May]

in a way i am glad you do not think the test is very accurate as i may not have these disorders

but i can't see a medical practitioner as i am scared that someone will ask or wonder why i am seeing them.

This is why i think i have the symptoms:

Borderline:

1. One day i will care about what i look like and the next i will not care, i don't look after my apperance very much as i know i look bad.

2.i tend to eat a lot when i am bored or upset,

3 & 5. I change moods frequently, i get very angry at times and take it out on one person, when i am happy i will talk to people especially my family although when i am upset, i try to avoid it,

4. I feel something is missing and i am missing out on the happiness a lot of other people feel

6. i get stressed a lot, i feel uncomfortable when i am in crowds or with people i don't know well

Paranoid:

1. & 2. I get the feeling people talk behind my back especially a few 'friends' like i know one friend she tends to twist the truth around and will tell me one thing and then tell my other friend something different .

3. i am scared i will say something embarassing or weird and others will tell everyone and they will think worse of me, so i dont say much at all

4. People may not mean it in a threatening way but i tend to take something very slightly threatening as something large.

5. i say i forgive them and i may not mention wat they have done ever again, but i remember things and will never totally forgive them if they did something bad

6. I get very defensive and anything that offends me even if it is just a joke will hurt me a lot and i may react by yelling at them or occasionally attacking them.

is this enough or did you want more specific examples?

Maybe its all just a phase and everything is too small to be a Disorder, maybe, its just the situation i am in, I am hoping it will go away when i move out and get a proper job, if it dosen't i'll move somewhere and do what i want there. I am just waiting at the moment.

thanks for the advice

[mscat]

in a way i am glad you do not think the test is very accurate as i may not have these disorders

but i can't see a medical practitioner as i am scared that someone will ask or wonder why i am seeing them.

This is why i think i have the symptoms:

Borderline:

1. One day i will care about what i look like and the next i will not care, i don't look after my apperance very much as i know i look bad.

2.i tend to eat a lot when i am bored or upset,

3 & 5. I change moods frequently, i get very angry at times and take it out on one person, when i am happy i will talk to people especially my family although when i am upset, i try to avoid it,

4. I feel something is missing and i am missing out on the happiness a lot of other people feel

6. i get stressed a lot, i feel uncomfortable when i am in crowds or with people i don't know well

Paranoid:

1. & 2. I get the feeling people talk behind my back especially a few 'friends' like i know one friend she tends to twist the truth around and will tell me one thing and then tell my other friend something different .

3. i am scared i will say something embarassing or weird and others will tell everyone and they will think worse of me, so i dont say much at all

4. People may not mean it in a threatening way but i tend to take something very slightly threatening as something large.

5. i say i forgive them and i may not mention wat they have done ever again, but i remember things and will never totally forgive them if they did something bad

6. I get very defensive and anything that offends me even if it is just a joke will hurt me a lot and i may react by yelling at them or occasionally attacking them.

is this enough or did you want more specific examples?

Maybe its all just a phase and everything is too small to be a Disorder, maybe, its just the situation i am in, I am hoping it will go away when i move out and get a proper job, if it dosen't i'll move somewhere and do what i want there. I am just waiting at the moment.

thanks for the advice

Hi there,

PLease keep in mind that it is not a good idea to try and Diagnose yourself. The best thing to do is to seek out a Mental Health Professional. They are truely the only ones who can help you and give you an accurate Diagnoses.

Being a teenager, a lot of the things you have described are pretty normal. Not to downplay your feelings or symtoms.. I wish you the best of luck.

[Avalon_May]

You think they normal? i hope you are right.

But i dont know i see people, happy people my age, they have lots friends, they can gossip and talk to everyone, i cannot do that, i don't really fit in well. they don't want to talk to me anyway.

And yes i guess you are right i should not diagnose myself, but i dont really want to see and talk to anyone about my feelings, i feel uncomfortable and can't.

[mscat]

I was like that in High School too. On the quiet side, and never feeling lke i could fit in. However, it really is better to have one or two close friends then several that are so darn insecure and superficial about themselves and each other.

Many people feel the exact same way as you do in H.S, and above. Everyone wants to fit in and be well liked. Not all are this way , and do keep to themselves.

Try to focus on things that make you happy and that your good at. There is probably other kids with the same interests as you. for example, I like photography, and computors. Then i'd find a club that I could join.