I am sick of feeling like this

[AnnieUCF]

I have been feeling like this since before I had my child but before having him I would cope by going places with friends, getting up and going kayaking, and/or going to parties and drinking. Now I don't drink, my friends are never around, my in-laws are overbearing, and my husband thinks I am being mean and nasty all the time. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped and that there is no way out of this. I feel like his family is overbearing and they need him for money, help around their homes, and we are obligated to see his extended family all the time. I feel like I am soficated by them. I do not feel comfortable around them and that's because they have said very rude things about me behind my back and my husband would not believe me until they said something. I find myself alone alot, crying, and I feel like I am crazy delusional because he thinks I blow things out of porportion. Example my husband went to help his family with something in their house, I went to a baby shower where his aunt was present. They were all talking and I felt invisible making sure my child did not get into trouble. They looked at my son strange and one woman had the audacity to snatch something out of my son's hand and yell at him in front of me. I lost it. His family was there and did not help me she was too busy talking to friends while my husband was fixing her family's home. I don't understand why I got so upset and why I lost it. My husband says he cannot control his family's actions. I just feel like I am going crazy. I cry a lot, I don't laugh anymore about anything, and I am not the same happy person I was before... I need help but would my doctor take this serioulsy... Please how do I articulate all this into needing help ASAP.

[paula]

Hi Annie

People expect that having a baby is going to be a source of happiness, and of course it is, and should be. But, as a new mother, you may be very far from feeling this straight away, and this can bring with it Huge Anxiety.

You may of gone through a short period of feeling emotional and tearfull, which probably was brief and manageable (the 'baby blues').

Or you could have developed a deeper and longer-term depression (postnatal depression). Postnatal Depression can emerge at any one time in the baby's first year.

The common signs of Postnatal Depression are:

1) Feeling very low

2) Feeling tired and very lethargic

3) A sense of inadequacy

4) Feeling guilty about not coping

5) Feeling irritable

6) Losing your appetite

7) Difficulty sleeping

8) Being hostile or indifferent to your husband

9) Panic Attacks

10) Being alone

11) Difficulty in concentrating & making decisions

They reckon that you suffer this depression because it's a shock of becoming a mother. How true it is, I don't know?

Come to think of it, suddenly your own freedom to come and go as you please has disappeared

Becoming a mother involves many losses, not only of freedom, but also of income, of Independence, and of your sense of who you are!

Becoming a mother can be a huge change of role. It alters the relationship between you and your husband, two adult's, who may have had few joint responsibilities previously, are suddenly parents. But has your husband realised that?

He should be spending quality time with you and your son, not at his mothers, doing jobs! Your husband has got to realise that he has got his OWN family now. He has got to cut tie's of his mother's apron string's and he has got to tell her so.

You want to tell him that you married him, and not his mother! He has his own responsibilities now, with you and your son, And he should also make them known to his family, the next time one of them care to snatch something of your son as well as shout at him. He's just a baby for god's sake! What harm can a baby do hey!

You want to make your feelings, crystal clear. If he won't accept that, then the balls in your court.

I hope this advice as been of some use to you and take care.

Paula x:rolleyes:

[Mark]

Annie,

I agree with Paula that you may be experiencing some sort of Postnatal depression or anxiety. this is especially likely given that you are saying you were struggling with similar feelings prior to giving birth. The dramatic hormonal, physical and lifestyle changes associated with becoming a parent and a mother are extremely stressful and can push people into mood problems or make them especially irritable and sensitive. It would be a good idea to visit with your doctor and ask about help or support. If you are breast feeding, make sure to bring this up with your doctor as he/she is likely to offer you antidepressant medication and this may not be good for your baby if it gets into the breast milk. if that is the case and you want help in a non-medication form, ask about support groups for new moms and also about psychotherapy for depression (both of which might be a good idea anyway even if you do accept medication.

Mark