Issue about fiance...

[cmkinusa]

...my fiance and I have been together for about a year and a half now, but since about 3 months in I have been doing a curious thing. She has quite a history: she is from mexico, and came here around 5th grade. She has had likely 3 dozen or more boyfriends, and has done it probably a lot (not with more than 2 of said boyfriends, though) before even 18 years old. I am not saying this to imply promiscuity, in fact she is just the opposite, but here is the problem I am having:

Even though my relationship is rather flawless with her and we have just typical, consenting sex, I masturbate a lot to the idea of her cheating on me. And I dont mean any random circumstance cheating, my fantasies are of situations where she very well could have cheated on me. Sometimes its not even willing, with some of the more recent fantasies. See, she is actually back in mexico and has been for quite a while. So, basically I have to base what she says on trust. She tells me everything, so I believe her, but I still have these wild fantasies.

In no other instance do I treat her in any way as if she cheated me. I fully trust her normally, and she knows it, too. But I masturbate at least once a day to the idea of her cheating on me and I feel that somehow it might become a problem. (lol, MIGHT become a problem...) It has even led to an obsession for non-consent sexual stories, which I never before imagined anything where the woman doesnt fully consent.

Should I be worrying about this? Will all of this become a serious problem in my relationship with her if I let it fester?

[cmkinusa]

Maybe I should have introduced myself first to the forum, to get a proper response to my issues. I recently turned 18 and have known my fiance since April 16th of last year. We have been through quite a lot so far, the latest being her current situation of being stuck in mexico. I proposed to her recently in a trip I managed to take over there, and we plan to marry by march of next year. (i am going into the navy so our relationship has to wait to go to the next step)

The current issue I am having might not be a dire one, but it is definitely one that I worry about for the future, because I have no idea how it will progress, and trust me it will as it already has progressed quite a bit from where it started.

For those wondering why I didnt mention bringing this up to her before, I have...but the problem is that in order to call her, I have to use calling cards. 1 hour for 5 dollars...that severely limits the talking time. So, basically the chance I got to, all I could really explain is that i get off to the idea of her with other men. I dont think she really cared, since she didnt really grasp everything I have told you guys...in other words, I dont think talking to her about it would be best until I myself understood it more and had an idea of what I should do to help myself

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Hello,

I thought I'd come in and say hi.

The forum is usually a bit slow on weekends, but it's also difficult to answer, because I don't think anyone here can answer the question if it's going to be a serious problem at some point.

Also, I didn't answer, because I'm really convinced that taking relationship advice from me must be one of the silliest things one could possibly do.. so there, you've been warned.

I'm not sure I got that right, but you got those new fantasies after she left to mexico, right? So that would be in a situation that makes it more difficult to maintain the closeness and you also have to weight your words in Dollars, so I assume that must be straining. How do you feel about that change of circumstances and would you say that could play a role here?

[cmkinusa]

well, it likely has a lot to do with that, but i feel that her leaving only served to amplify it, it wasnt really when it began. It started pretty early in the relationship, and might in fact be something to do with the fact that she was my first, and might have just been an awakening of that side of me. As far as I know, it could have been anyone and I would have developed this mentality.

When I look at it a bit more objectively, i feel it might just be one of those things that turns me on, just a fetish of mine. It may even be harmless, but I wont really know until I talk it over with her and spend at least some time with her to see how it affects me. I guess only time will tell

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Cmkinusa,

Welcome to our community and forum.

This is just my opinion and you and others may disagree but that's OK: You are only 18 years old. It seems to me that you have plenty of time before you marry. What is the big hurry? You are expressing doubts about her and you are having fantasies about her having sex with other men.

Also, there is no such thing as a "flawless" relationship. The two of you have only know one anther for one year, a very short amount of time. Most new marriages end in divorce because the two people rushed into things only to discover they made a mistake.

Finally, she is your first girlfriend or sexual partner and that says a lot. What I mean is that you do not have enough exeperience to make a good decision about marriage.

Please understand that I am not saying these things to put you down or to minimize your relationship or your feelings. I am simply counseling going slow and giving yourself plenty of time.

What do you and others think?

Allan

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Time will possibly tell, but until that happens I think it’s good that you try to figure out what those fantasies appeared on the scene for and maybe it’s a chance to learn more about yourself and your relationship. At least I'd like that idea more than the one of having a fetish, which sort of "just happens" and doesn't lead anywhere. Will you see her again soon at all, so that you have some date you can look forward to?