Trying to figure out what could be wrong - any help appreciated

[synergy989]

Hi, as most of us probably do more and more as technology advances is hop online and google our health problems and play doctor. I have come to these forums for that exact reason; I googled a mental health community and this is what came up. So I would like to say Hi and thank you for taking the time to read and possibly respond.

Lately I have had some wierd things happen to me in terms of my mental health. It could be drug related it could be other triggers in my life. I have a very powerful mind and strong will power - the good old suck it up but enough 'hero' pills this time I need help. I am feeling like it could be depression alongside with anxiety or it could be more pysical like a tumor - I would like to get others input before I jump to any conclusions:

Symptoms:

- I feel more and more like my world is very hazy, like I can hear people and understand them and respond like normal but I almost feel like it's autopilot - like I don't have to think about what to say it just comes out.

- Sometimes ill be in a big store and look around and things seem to big to comprehend and a small anxiety attack (like bottomless pit in your stomach) feeling comes on

- I also feel like when you stare at something to the point you lose focus and it's almost like you mind blurs out everything around you (then someone says your name and your like "what what?" and snap out of it). That is how i seem to be feeling 24/7 now.

- I sometimes go to get something from another room and short term memory completely blanks for couple seconds (seems like my short term memory isn't doing so well right now)

- Ill try really hard to listen to someone then out of no where ill completly zone out and forget what the said, come back to and pretend i heard it all.

- I am somewhat sad but not to the point of depressed, at least i don't think.

Possible triggers:

- I have always needed my sleep - and this summer I worked at 7am every morning and maybe got 6 hous a night for the whole summer, I worked 2 jobs at times working weekends and evenings - so maybe super over exhaustion?

- I used to smoke marijuana a lot last winter (6/7 days once a day type thing for about 2 and half months - then maybe 3 times since then)

- My long long term relationship finally ended and that hurt quite a bit at first but I thought I was coping well now...like I know I have to move on and it's not the end of the world. (that was beginning of summer)

I really don't know, I still know how to act normal - I told my parents that I feel this isn't just a talk it out type thing i really feel like something is chemically wrong up in my head, like wires got crossed or something lol. I am not a person to worry so please hit me with what you got - I am very easygoing.

I am also 21 year old male currently attending university. I do plan to see a pyscologist tomorrow and my family doctor asap.

[paula]

Hi Synergy989

Sorry to say, but it sure does sound like depression. What form, only a professional could be able to answer that? But you heading in the right direction!

You sound to me like you have a few of the problem's that I deal with. I suffer with Manic Depression and have done for the past 18 month's.

I too suffer memory lapses. Even to the extent of missing Doctor's, Dentist, Hairdresser's, even Psychiatrist's Appointment's

All's I can say, is attend these Appointment's with your Psychologist's and listen to what he has to say. He's there to help you!

Paula:rolleyes:

[Mark]

synergy989,

Actually, I'm getting more of an anxiety/dissociation vibe from your description. Not like full on dissociation, but when you talk about zoning out and feeling hazy - those are words associated with the more minor forms of dissociation. Of course, if you're sleep deprived and stressed out with grief, etc. it could just be fatigue too. It just isn't clear what this could be.

I think it is a great idea that you are getting yourself to see someone who is in a position to diagnose you (if there is a problem, that is not clear really). Consulting with a professional who does this sort of thing for a living is going to get you a more clear answer than what you can do online.

There are some things you can work on to make this maybe a little better even without having a diagnosis. Like the sleep stuff. Lack of sleep is a stressor and since you are already stressed out, you don't need more of that. So have you tried working on getting yourself to sleep more regularly?

[synergy989]

thank you for the prompt responses - I am working REALLY hard on getting a good amount and routine sleep. I am trying to get to bed between 9 and 10 - it is tough getting a good night sleep since I have so much racing through my mind when I lay in bed but I tend to dose off after an hour - then I try and aim for 10 hours (don't want to over sleep too much).

I have returned home from university while the frosh week parties go on to get home support and to achieve better sleeping habits - not to mention cutting out all the drinking which I plan to stay off for quite some time.

I feel like I am 100% with some sort of bug in my brain that if removed would make things all clear and better lol.

Please don't be sorry in your responses, I understand something is wrong and ready for it to be anything - depression, disassociation, brain tumor or whatever - it's what cards life has dealt me and I am willing to do what is needed to get better and if is not in my hands - then really, that's life.

If depression I know there is medication and people I can see but what about dissociation? I don't know much about it - is it something I am just going to have to learn to live with and maybe medicate the anxiety side to it?

thanks again for all your support, getting an idea of what it might be is soothing as the worst part about it is not knowing. I am the kind of guy that likes to know what problems he is faced with and different ways to go about tackling them - then doing it.