Social Problems

[Prinzen]

I joined this forum expecting to talk about something totally other than this. I changed my mind though. Sorry this is so long.

I have nobody I would consider my friend. Sure, I have many online contacts due to language studies and their company is certainly valuable. But outside of school, the only thing like friends I have are people I talk to maybe once every six months. Hardly something I can depend on for emotional support.

I feel like most people meet their friends in high school, which I have recently dropped out of at 16. I never made any lasting friends there and it was torturous. (If you're concerned for my future though, know that I have been reading textbooks and other didactic materials and will be going to college soon. That's not the problem.)

I have no idea how to make friends or a boyfriend in the "real world" though. Any advice on that would be welcome.

A large part of the problem is the fact that my mom won't allow me to drive or get a job. I think I'd be a lot happier since right now I can only go anywhere I can walk to, and practically all of my time is spent at my house with my hobbies. (Which isn't a bad thing, but I'd like some variety.)

The best friend I've had in the last year was a 27 year old Indian man. I met him at the local pizza place I frequent because I noticed that his shirt said something funny in Hindi. It was a bizarre and taboo friendship; if my mom would have known, she would have probably been angry. It was innocent though and mutually beneficial, as I needed to practice my Hindi and he his English. He left to Jefferson city in May and I tried emailing him, but he replied that he didn't want to feel like a pedophile and asked that I not contact him again.

I honestly still don't know what to make of this and don't know if it's relevant to this post, but . . .

Well, anyway. I'm not thinking clearly at the moment so I guess I'll just post this. Please comment if you want to on any aspect of this post.

[rjridley]

The closest friendships I had were the ones I made freshman year in college. I was only at the college for 3 years so they did not last once I left and returned home.

I cannot speak for people who never go to college, but for people who do go to college, the friendships they make there are the most permanent ones, especially if they remain in the city where they went to college.

I will say though that you need high school to LEARN how to make friends, and even elementary and junior high to some extent. In my case, there was a lot I didn't know as far as how to make and keep friends, but the ones I had that were the closest were the ones I made in college.

Also, if you go to the right college, it won't matter if you drive because there will be so much good stuff right on or near campus.

If you don't know how to make friends, you might learn enough freshman year to last you. I met so many diverse groups of people that the hardest decision (and one I never really made) was which group to spend most of my time with. No matter what activities you like, you will find people doing them. Unless you go to a really small college, you will also not have any trouble finding people whose personalities you click with.

Also, once you are in college, it won't be weird anymore to be friends with 27 year olds, because most likely you will have classmates even older than that.

If you have a choice of where to go to college, take those things into consideration as much as what classes you want to take. If possible, go to a larger school. If possible, stay on campus. It was difficult for me to be keyed into what was happening on campus when I moved back home, because I lived so far away that it was a hassle to go back and forth at times when I didn't need to be there for class.

[danni]

I totally agree with rjridley. My most long lasting friends are the ones I met in college. There are lots of ways to meet people there. I joined lots of groups and was in a sorority. The one I was in was like a family. It was really cool. In fact, I have a reunion with a group of my sorority sisters every summer which we have been doing since we were in college! Unfortunately we we are together, we still act like we are in college It's very fun though.

Also, when you're in college there is often more people who have the same interests as you, like languages for instance or whatever your major is.

But I also hear your aprehension and nervousness about the social piece and your skills in that area. Most colleges have counselling services that are free to students. I would recommend checking into that. That would give you an opportunity to work out some of those worries and feel more confident on how to meet people/start conversations or whatever your concerns or worries are regarding this.

Is this a possibility for you????