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Just lost my parents..


Guy Out There
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I had a conversation with them today and quite openly asked them if they would really care if they dragged me off to a mental hospital.

The answer was "Well thats your choice, not my problem". In short "No".

They seem to think that i can help the way i am right now, the doctor told me yesterday i may have brain damage and my problems may get worse, my parents just can't accept that it's really not my fault that i am acting strangely.

I'm really upset right now, yesterday i went out of the house and i felt so lost, it was like i felt disconnected from the world, like swimming in the ocean. I tried to talk to them about this but they just said i needed to get out more and stop 'complaining like a child'

I told them that i didn't want to see them or hear from them again, they didn't seem bothered although i always thought they cared, they helped me through my PTSD but since they just seem to have distanced themselves.

Part of me wishes i'd never said what i said, now i have nobody, nobody around, i can feel myself rotting away. Still a week to go until treatment, i'm on tablets now to calm me down during my manic times but they're not stopping them only helping me sleep. I feel restless all the time inside, like i've got to move so violently to relieve the feeling.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening, i have a very strange feeling the next time i visit will be from a mental hospital after i've tried to kill myself or i've gone on a killing spree with a loaf of bread :)

Have a nice day (whenever your reading this) :)

Edited by Guy Out There
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Hi Guy,

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I know the feeling of being totally alone, my parents and brother all died in the last 10 yrs. I'm glad you are going for treatment next week, and I hope it helps. Try to hang on. You can always look for some self relaxation techlniques on here. Putting your hand on your chest just below your throat works sometimes and also listening to ocean and nature sounds.. Those are just a couple. Maybe take a long soothing bath or excercise.

Hope this helps. :)

Amy.

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Well he said it could be some kind of chemical imbalance that was causing certain parts of my brain to function incorrectly, he said it could be the result of brain cells dying after my PTSD which i suffered 8 years ago (9 years officially next month).

I never did recover from the PTSD, i am scarred for life, i went through therapy with my parents but tried my best to exclude them and wouldn't talk about my issues in front of them. I guess this is a bit like 'kama' you send it out, you get it back. I excluded them, now they and everybody else in life excludes me.

The doctor also said i may have to go back to a mental hospital should i loose control of my actions 'too often', few people know of the reasons why this is such a traumatic thought for me. It's just hard, i love them very much yet i hate them, anyone know that feeling?

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Hello Guy. Yes, I know the feeling well. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time of it right now. Feeling you are completely alone and that there is no one that cares is an awful thing. Do you think if you asked your parents for a sit down discussion about everything it might help? Maybe if you told them how alone and scared you feel. I know it's hard to open ourselves up like that, it makes us feel so very vulnerable, but maybe your parents think you don't need their help since you said you didn't involve them in your previous problem. Try and let go of the hurt and the bitterness you may be feeling towards them right now and start afresh if you can. I wish you the best always.

Oh and by the way, you are not alone. We are here and understand how you are feeling. Take care.

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Guy Out There: I had a conversation with them today and quite openly asked them if they would really care if they dragged me off to a mental hospital. The answer was "Well thats your choice, not my problem". In short "No".

Here's a brief collection of some of the choice comments I heard from family members in the aftermath of my own experience:

- You got what you deserved.

- You brought it on yourself.

- 19 out of 20 people would not have been traumatized by those events.

In their own defense, they didn't understand what was happening. I didn't either but I did know, those kinds of comments sure caused me to feel that I was on my own.

I've since discovered that peers are often a more empathic and understanding source of support. We want our family members to understand but unless they have undergone similar experiences themselves, they probably won't. And even then, their understanding can only go so far.

When you have the opportunity, you might want to explain to your family that you're going through something right now, you don't know what it is, you are seeking professional care and that you need to know they care and will be there for you. If you can't say it to their face you might be able to put it into a letter or email message. That might also be a good avenue to share some information as well.

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