Better Days

[tobeistohope]

I have been trying to think more positively lately. Trying to tell myself positive things about what I can do to change destructive behavior and learning to take care of myself. It isn't an easy thing to do when you are used to talking down to yourself and about yourself. But, I am realizing that if I don't do something to change, I will not be having any "better days". If anyone has any good techniques to be used to build self esteem and confidence, I would love to hear about them. I can use all the help I can get!

[Endlessnight]

Hello Tobe. I am struggling with the same negative way of thinking about myself, and, as you said, it's very hard when you have gotten into the habit of talking down to yourself.

Congratulations on realising that:

But, I am realizing that if I don't do something to change, I will not be having any "better days"

I hope you are successful in your efforts, and wish you luck.

If anyone has any good techniques to be used to build self esteem and confidence, I would love to hear about them. I can use all the help I can get! [/quote

I know I need all the help I can get too. Do you think we could help each other by sharing any information we might get on the subject?

Take care.

[tobeistohope]

That sounds like a great idea, endlessnight! So far I have learned that putting my hand on my chest just below my throat when I am anxious actually does have some soothing effect. Also,walking does help with my depression and anxiety. I downloaded some nice ocean sounds and those are quite relaxing! As for the positive thinking, every time I catch myself in a negative thought, I try to figure out where it came from, like maybe it was put there by my stepfather years ago as a child, and then I try to dismiss it. I know that whenever I start thinking of where I am going in life, I get depressed, so I am trying to make some changes (losing weight, quitting smoking) without putting too much pressure on myslef because when I fail at it, it caused deep, dark, depression. So, what have you learned?

[Endlessnight]

Hi Tobe. Thanks for telling me some of the things you do to help you not be so negative about yourself. Before I came on this forum I used to go to a chat room that was for self help, called Abraham Low self-help systems. Though I don't go there anymore for a couple of reasons, I did like some of the sayings I learned there:

1. Be self-led, not symptom led.

2. Calm begets calm, temper begets temper (as I've gotten older I have found I am able to calm myself better than I used to).

3. People do things that annoy us, not necessarily to annoy us. (A good one to keep in mind always)

4. Every act of self-control leads to a sense of self-respect. (I need all the self-respect I can muster!)

5. If you can't change a situation, you can change your attitude towards it. (Another good one, not as easy as it sounds though.)

The last one, especially, is something I need to learn how to do. If I could only do that, I think I would feel a lot better than I do and have less problems with my life. All of those I try to remember when when a difficult situation arises, but I must admit it's hard to remember them when i'm depressed or upset, but i'm trying!

I dont know that I can pin my negative feelings toward myself on any one person, though if I had to I would blame my brother (). It seems to me my self hatred mostly stems from my own inability to connect to people, to let go of the past, to live in the now and to live life in general.

I dont know if you are the same, but I find it hard to help myself, i'm always looking for a crutch to lean on; for someone to guide me. I know I have to learn to help myself and that it will be a long time before I am properly able to.

Good luck to you, and to me! Hope to hear from you again. Take care.

[tobeistohope]

Those are wonderful. I checked out the site and it seems like a good one. Someone posted something under Coping here that sounds like a good idea, one that I am going to try. It's the one about the "comfort box", I think. You should check it out.