Hellion Posted August 30, 2010 Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 I just need to get things out and helpful input would be appreciated...anyways it just feels like all the issues I have are just building up and making things hell for me. My depression, Anxiety and messed up personality are causing issues with my family.....I feel like even they are out to get me just like everyone else even though I know thats not completely true.I can't seem to stand my ground at all, when it comes to talking to my siblings who are kind of the only people I have to talk to right now.....there are ways they are helpful and supportive. But sometimes they are wrong about things and I know this but I still feel like they must be right about everything and I am wrong about everything. Not to mention as much as I want to care about them and improve myself so they don't have to deal with my negativity.....I just feel detached and lonely its like I feel like we are miles away from each other even when I am in the room with them. It kills me inside because I want to be close to them but at the same time my issues just seem to push them away. and I want it to stop because its ruining everything.I also need to go apply for jobs and was planning to do that tommorow(I will still attempt) but I just don't see how I can walk around alone and apply for jobs and appear confident......because I get anxious and paranoid when I am alone in public. And I am just afraid of what will happen if all my applications get turned down because its the only thing I am clinging to......is getting a job so me and my sister can afford an apartment and get out of our moms house. I don't want to end my life, or cause self harm but if this does not work I feel like I'll go over the edge and not be able to stop it. I already sometimes feel like a small part of myself wants me to just throw everything away and wants to take control. that's part of why I keep procrastinating. I am also confused about whether my family are the right people to help......I am kind of worried that they will blame the wrong things and help me in the wrong ways........but I can't afford to talk to a psychologist about this or anything so I don't know what else to do besides hope they don't make it worse by trying to help.sorry if that does not make a lot of sense, but im having a hard time thinking about this stuff rationally and can hardly organize these thoughts...I just needed to post this so I could get to sleep and maybe get some outside imput if any of it makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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