where do i start??

[daniellemarie]

looking down through the list of topics and issues its like ok which ones dont apply cuz it seems like they all do lets see..... im "bi polar" how do u even know if u really r i dont see it?!?!?

i am bpd-- eh no doubting that they wrote the book about me but how do i cope with itevery single day? somedays ive got it beat im good i can breath my head is quiet n theworld feels soft... no not soft... more manageable i guess

cutting--i fight the urge everyday

eating disorters-- i eat like a pig al the time i mean im not "fat" persay but if i spend too much time with my self andnot around people i convince myself i am fat to the point where i go weeks with out barly eating

depression-- not a huge factor but again if i spend too much time around myself i hate everything about me about life about existing

anger-- its been a while since i last had ann episode but when i do for a girl my size i tear $h!t up

drug and alcohol abuse-- i have a very addictive personality however i move on quick too however my biggest thing w this is my bf hes starting to show symptoms of addiction which is scary becuz eventually ill get bored n move on im affraid he wont

suicide-- the biggy o hell ya i still think about it but i fight w myslelf every day not to not to not do it (if u followed that) but to not think about it so the thought doesnt turn into the obsession the despair the act

child care-- i want kids soooo bad.... my bf has one he wants nothing to do with becuz of the mother

family history--my moms depressed my dads got situational depression that he will probably never get over my aunt is bipolar (pissed off and depressed r her moods)

trama-- check!

bad relationships-- heres this for an insight my ex fiance is still stalking me after almost two yrs since he left me!!

hospitalization-- round one worst experience of my life i still get a panic attck everytime i drive by the place round two best experience of my life found out alot about life i dont recommend it tho u have to hit rock bottom before it helps u really have to see it for urself not someone force u into changing ur entire life becuz no matter wat they say people come and go ull alwasy be in ur own life u have to be willing to change for u

sleep disorders-- sleep lol i looooove sleep i never geeeetttt sleep i mean come on im writing this on 4 hr sleep then worked a 12 hr shift and now im still not tired but this is the best time to write becuz its already posted i cant take it back if i sound crazy i sound crazy maybe someone can help i dont think of theese things when im at my therapist i think reasonably i dont think thisway any time expect when im alonee i hate being alone if i think to write it down im scared to show anyone becuz well for one they dont see it so they dont believe me and for too none off this makes any sense and it never happens when around other people but then sometimes u know in those scifi movies where people get parinoid other people can hear there thoughts becuz they can thats how i feel some times! i feel like sometimes when i meet new people of when i say something im less confident in all i can think is "they know im crazy" now that is one scary feeling!

lol again help :/

where do i start looking for answers? for people? for help?

where do i start posting in order to help myself??