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I don't see how I can keep going


Solstice
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No matter how hard I've tried, I've never been able to make my life "work." I spent years struggling on my own with horrible self-esteem, a miserable marriage, no close friends, and parents who never wanted me in the first place and don't understand me now. I've spent the past three months in therapy, taking meds for the depression I was finally diagnosed with, hoping that maybe I might finally have found the answer to how to make my life worth living.

Long story short, I didn't find the answer. My therapist is of little help. As far as I can tell, the meds have caused nothing more than a 10-pound weight gain. My husband announced yesterday that he thinks I'm a repulsive human being. I agree. I think about the good people who die every day, leaving people behind who love them and miss them, and I can't figure out why I'm still here, when I add no value to anything or anyone. And I'm sitting here typing this and I honestly don't know how I'm going to find the strength to get up, go home, start all over again tomorrow.

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Sorry you are having such a yucky day. It may be time for you to find a new therapist. Sometimes you need to go through a few in order to find the one who works best for you. Same for the medication too. As far as the comment your husband made to you, who does he think he is? I find the comment to be repulsive. I assure you, you do add value to this world. By merely being a human being you are deemed worthy.

Take care

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No matter how hard I've tried, I've never been able to make my life "work." I spent years struggling on my own with horrible self-esteem, a miserable marriage, no close friends, and parents who never wanted me in the first place and don't understand me now. I've spent the past three months in therapy, taking meds for the depression I was finally diagnosed with, hoping that maybe I might finally have found the answer to how to make my life worth living.

Long story short, I didn't find the answer. My therapist is of little help. As far as I can tell, the meds have caused nothing more than a 10-pound weight gain. My husband announced yesterday that he thinks I'm a repulsive human being. I agree. I think about the good people who die every day, leaving people behind who love them and miss them, and I can't figure out why I'm still here, when I add no value to anything or anyone. And I'm sitting here typing this and I honestly don't know how I'm going to find the strength to get up, go home, start all over again tomorrow.

You are strong, Solstice, and you're doing the right thing by sharing with us here. It's terrible and unfortunate that your husband would say such aggravating and abhorrent things to you, and I know sometimes (maybe even a long, long time) it feels like the will to go on is just absent and never coming back. It's a matter of pride that you're coping as well as you are, and you should congratulate yourself. Drag on for a while, and it may, I'm sorry to say, be a long while, but hope will shine through, remind yourself of that even if it doesn't seem true. Forget entertaining these ridiculous thoughts about your own worth, no one should suffer the way you are and I can tell it feels damaging to you. But you're not alone, you're never alone, and you don't have to be. You bring joy to this world by continuing to be a member of such admirable fortitude within it.

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Solstice, Life is a warzone at times and the battle your fighting in your life seems very hard for you right now.

You must keep on going, try and dream up some changes that would make your life so much better and then go out and try and put them into action..

As has been suggested it would be well worth changing your therapist, don't put up with a therapist who isn't helping and if the meds aren't working out just tell your doctor or therapist or whoever put you on them, they can change you to different meds that might help you more.

I hope your life improves soon, Take Care, [Guy]

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Oddly enough, Guy, I'm finding some comfort in thinking of my life as a warzone. Maybe if I can just see things as a battle I can (possibly) win, instead of an endless string of miserable events that keep happening to me, I can get through. Maybe my temper can be a benefit to me, instead of the hinderance I always think of it as, and I can get angry and motivated, instead of sad and helpless.

And I will look into changing my therapist. I just don't feel that she "has my back" -- and if your therapist doesn't, who will??

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