Buttons Posted September 5, 2010 Report Share Posted September 5, 2010 I'll start by saying that about 2 years ago, I started seeing a therapist because I hated my mother. I figured that there must be some underlying reason that I wrongfully hated her, and that by going through therapy, I would discover what was wrong, and I could have a better relationship with her. Through a lot of discussion and discovery, it turns out I have completely legitimate reasons to hate her, as she has manipulated me my entire life (hence why originally, I figured it was my problem and that she should not be hated).As I had explained in another thread, I recently stopped going to therapy. I have been misserable every since. I decided to start writing a diary of what was going on in my mind as an outlet for my pain. It seems to have brought a lot of bad memories back, and now i have no one to help me deal with them.Just now, as i was washing dishes (something i associate with my mother), I remembered her confronting me at several times in my childhood, and telling me not to mess with her because she could break me down if she wanted to. She told me she had the ability to make me feel like " two cents" if I crossed her. I just sat on the floor and rocked back and forth for a while. Really vivid flashback and very hurtful. I was having such a good day. For the first time in a few weeks i don't hate myself. Now I feel horrible again.A few friends have urged me to go back to therapy. The reason I stopped going was for two reasons. For one, it is expensive and i'm trying to save for a wedding and to pay off some debt. And second, my therapist told me that he feels I was abused as a child, and i got really scared. i'm not saying i don't agree...I just didn't want to deal with it.So right now I'm thinking of calling him and saying that i want to come back. But honestly, part of me feels like I have failed if i do that. I told myself that I was going to handle my issues on my own, and I can't evidently. Why do I feel like a failure?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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