JeffreyBeaumont Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Hi there, people!Well, I'll try to make this as short as I'm able. I don't want to make you yawn.There's no much to say about me. I'm a regular 25 years old male. I'm a good student; I got a job in which I'm good too; I always got along so well with my family; a happy childhood; an ordinary teenage, with its typical ups and downs...The only thing I always regreted was my shyness. In fact, I didn't kiss a girl 'til I was 17 (one month before turning 18), and never had a girlfriend 'til 23.And I'm still a virgin.Actually, shyness it's not the main issue, though I thought for several years it was. The truth behind that so called shyness is and always was a small penis complex.I found it out when I noticed, for example, that I have no problem with speaking in public. In fact, I enjoy it.I made a lot of research about average penis size (only on the net, of course), and some results were relieving, whlist other weren't. Maybe 4.7 inches do fall into the average range. I don't know, and it doesn't bring me any peace of mind if it does. I feel very frustrated about the size of my penis. Or I should say with the idea I have about the size of my penis.The thing is that these 4.7 inches make me feel unworthy of being with women.People told me (I'm talking about anonimous people, the kind you find in chat rooms over the net) that it doesn't matter how big or small is your penis, because you can still satisfy a woman with other skills.This only frustrates me more.I mean... I somehow know that sex doesn't depend on sizes. There are more things: kisses, caresses, fingers, tongue, even words... And I'd be ever so pleased to use those "tools"; in fact, I find them more interesting and delightful than the mere mechanical penetration. But I can't get over the idea that using those "tools", like I call them, is a way of assuming my "disability". (I apologize for employing such strong word, with all the connotations it bears and considering it might sound insulting to people with real disabilities; again, I'm sorry). As I stated before, I'd truly enjoy caressing and kissing a woman, but I'm convinced that still it wouldn't be enough to compensate my smallness and satisfy her.Yes, I know that a bigger penis won't give you or her more pleasure. But it would make me feel more confident. Unfortunately, it seems that the size issue carries down with itself my self-steem, for I don't consider myself atractive, in any way; I wouldn't describe myself as good-looking nor interesting.I don't want to sound superficial or vain, but all I want is to live my sexual life to the full.In order to hide this problem, I've always tried basically two ways: the over-romantic and the plain avoidance. I consider myself a very sensitive guy. I often experience deep feelings, but also and above all I'm a human being. I'm not in favor of getting laid with every person you meet, but -indeed- you don't always have to fall in love. Do you get my point? There are plenty of girls I like, but it doesn't mean I want to get married with them (or have to choose only one to get married with).But I know that they don't find me hot, and that the size of my penis won't satisfy them, so I give up the idea of having casual sex, and I try instead of starting a commited, deep and meaningful romantic relationship, since such relationships dismiss the physical side of sex, so to say, and focus on other things, spiritual things.On the other hand, I just hide away and avoid every situation which implies the most sheer chance of intimacy. In other words, I won't be standing naked in front of a girl as long as I don't even talk to her. You can figure out approximately how hellish is to live your life day by day this way.As I said before, I enjoy speaking in public. In fact, I usually tend to take the word in the classes I attend. And I enjoy it. But also I get in a panic when I become aware that I'm being heard by people, that I'm being noticed, that they know that I exist. I wonder what do girls think about me, and I can't decide what is worst, whether they like me or not.I had a girlfriend when I was 23. It was a hard time for me. I was undergoing treatment for some anxiety issues (I could never tell at all if they were linked to my sexuality), and she was a great support. But I was on meds, which make me dysfunctional. And we never had sex. This obviously undermined our relationship, and after two years and a half of denial, we faced that things wouldn't work if we didn't have intimacy. So we broke up.I tried turning to prostitutes, but the results were awful. I did it five times, and I could never managed to achieve a decent erection. Also my legs started to shake, my stomach got hard as a stone, I felt dizzy, my heart beated so fast that I thought that it would pop out from my throath... Certainly, prostitutes don't give a damn about your penis size, as long as they get paid. But still I was aware that I was in front of a woman.So, my size complex and my virginity complex become a vicious circle, and I just can't imagine a way to break out from it.I think this took me more than I planned, and before I start to stray from the central point, the best thing would be to stop right here.I thank you all in advance for your time and for your replies.Hugs and kisses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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