No sex at all

[JeffreyBeaumont]

Hi there, people!

Well, I'll try to make this as short as I'm able. I don't want to make you yawn.

There's no much to say about me. I'm a regular 25 years old male. I'm a good student; I got a job in which I'm good too; I always got along so well with my family; a happy childhood; an ordinary teenage, with its typical ups and downs...

The only thing I always regreted was my shyness. In fact, I didn't kiss a girl 'til I was 17 (one month before turning 18), and never had a girlfriend 'til 23.

And I'm still a virgin.

Actually, shyness it's not the main issue, though I thought for several years it was. The truth behind that so called shyness is and always was a small penis complex.

I found it out when I noticed, for example, that I have no problem with speaking in public. In fact, I enjoy it.

I made a lot of research about average penis size (only on the net, of course), and some results were relieving, whlist other weren't. Maybe 4.7 inches do fall into the average range. I don't know, and it doesn't bring me any peace of mind if it does. I feel very frustrated about the size of my penis. Or I should say with the idea I have about the size of my penis.

The thing is that these 4.7 inches make me feel unworthy of being with women.

People told me (I'm talking about anonimous people, the kind you find in chat rooms over the net) that it doesn't matter how big or small is your penis, because you can still satisfy a woman with other skills.

This only frustrates me more.

I mean... I somehow know that sex doesn't depend on sizes. There are more things: kisses, caresses, fingers, tongue, even words... And I'd be ever so pleased to use those "tools"; in fact, I find them more interesting and delightful than the mere mechanical penetration. But I can't get over the idea that using those "tools", like I call them, is a way of assuming my "disability". (I apologize for employing such strong word, with all the connotations it bears and considering it might sound insulting to people with real disabilities; again, I'm sorry). As I stated before, I'd truly enjoy caressing and kissing a woman, but I'm convinced that still it wouldn't be enough to compensate my smallness and satisfy her.

Yes, I know that a bigger penis won't give you or her more pleasure. But it would make me feel more confident. Unfortunately, it seems that the size issue carries down with itself my self-steem, for I don't consider myself atractive, in any way; I wouldn't describe myself as good-looking nor interesting.

I don't want to sound superficial or vain, but all I want is to live my sexual life to the full.

In order to hide this problem, I've always tried basically two ways: the over-romantic and the plain avoidance. I consider myself a very sensitive guy. I often experience deep feelings, but also and above all I'm a human being. I'm not in favor of getting laid with every person you meet, but -indeed- you don't always have to fall in love. Do you get my point? There are plenty of girls I like, but it doesn't mean I want to get married with them (or have to choose only one to get married with).

But I know that they don't find me hot, and that the size of my penis won't satisfy them, so I give up the idea of having casual sex, and I try instead of starting a commited, deep and meaningful romantic relationship, since such relationships dismiss the physical side of sex, so to say, and focus on other things, spiritual things.

On the other hand, I just hide away and avoid every situation which implies the most sheer chance of intimacy. In other words, I won't be standing naked in front of a girl as long as I don't even talk to her. You can figure out approximately how hellish is to live your life day by day this way.

As I said before, I enjoy speaking in public. In fact, I usually tend to take the word in the classes I attend. And I enjoy it. But also I get in a panic when I become aware that I'm being heard by people, that I'm being noticed, that they know that I exist. I wonder what do girls think about me, and I can't decide what is worst, whether they like me or not.

I had a girlfriend when I was 23. It was a hard time for me. I was undergoing treatment for some anxiety issues (I could never tell at all if they were linked to my sexuality), and she was a great support. But I was on meds, which make me dysfunctional. And we never had sex. This obviously undermined our relationship, and after two years and a half of denial, we faced that things wouldn't work if we didn't have intimacy. So we broke up.

I tried turning to prostitutes, but the results were awful. I did it five times, and I could never managed to achieve a decent erection. Also my legs started to shake, my stomach got hard as a stone, I felt dizzy, my heart beated so fast that I thought that it would pop out from my throath... Certainly, prostitutes don't give a damn about your penis size, as long as they get paid. But still I was aware that I was in front of a woman.

So, my size complex and my virginity complex become a vicious circle, and I just can't imagine a way to break out from it.

I think this took me more than I planned, and before I start to stray from the central point, the best thing would be to stop right here.

I thank you all in advance for your time and for your replies.

Hugs and kisses.

[Fedup]

All sounds very familiar to me. I'm even the same age as you. I actually keep viagra in my room on the off chance that I might have sex I may not be able to achieve an erection to it's full capacity. Either due to alcohol, drugs or just sheer panic of someone seeing me naked when I am sober (a situation I have avoided all my life). I feel it's small enough as it is and if it can't get to it's longest length I would be screwed.

I'm trying to face my fears at the moment by going out there and meeting girls. On a date today in fact as mentioned in my other tread. There's no chance of me having sex today as she's very strongly opinionated about sex without knowing someone properly. I don't care about that, I just hope I like her. I am shy in all walks of life not just with my penis size. I'm actually debating drinking a load of vodka before I go in case I freeze up when I am there even though she isn't drinking. I feel confident enough in myself right now but I've felt that way before and still ran out of things to talk about after about 30-45 mins of talking. I can talk forever if I am drunk, which I think means there are topics in my head but locked behind some mental barrier. I'm not quite a virgin but very inexperienced for my age and always been drunk when had sex. I have either been too drunk to remember a lot of the sex or couldn't enjoy it properly due to my hang ups. Only actually penetrated someone once without paying because the other times I was too worried she wouldn't feel anything and couldn't get hard.

Just thought I'd share my similar experiences with you. Although if you have read the forum previously you would have seen it all before anyway. The only way to get over it is to accept risk and face your fears. When you think about it, it's ridiculous that we're placing our whole self esteem on random women who may or may not like our penis size. Why are we giving them the power to destroy our lives?

[JeffreyBeaumont]

Thanks for your reply, Fedup.

Yes, I have no doubt that my case will sound familiar not only to you, but a lot more of people, since I guess it's a very common issue. Nevertheless, the fact that they are plenty of people who suffer the same doesn't give any relief, don't you think?

Anyway, and I don't want you to get me wrong, I kind of envy your situation. I mean, at least you had sex, sober or drunk, and I'd feel far more fine if I were in your shoes...

Everything you say is very valuable, but your final question is simply superb. Why are we giving them the power to destroy our lives? With "them" I guess you are refering to women... I'd rather refer to the idea of women as heartless judges of our virility. In fact, I know it's all in my head, because no woman laugh at me since I've never been naked in front of any (except for those prostitutes and my girlfriend).

Greets.

[Fedup]

Well yeah when I say them I don't mean all women just those who would laugh at your penis. They don't have the power to lower your self esteem it is you who gives them that power. This is coming from someone who can't urinate next to other men unless very drunk. Thinking about it other men are probably more likely to laugh at your penis than women but it's still me giving them the power over me whatever the gender. A man laughing at my penis in the toilets would probably result in a fight if done blatantly, what else could you do to salvage pride? I try to use cubicles as much as possible to avoid this even if it means waiting longer. Annoying but hey sometimes when I do try nothing comes out anyway so may as well wait.

[Recluse]

sorry to see you are in this situation. I too have a crappy size and have gone the hooker route. I would recommend taking an erection pill to deal with the problem if you are interested in trying that out again.

[flander]

or see a urologist to make sure there aren't any other problems.

[PommyGirl]

Hi Boys,

From a woman's point of view, all the Other Stuff that you can do instead or as well as penetration, is much appreciated!

Far too many guys just focus on getting it in there, and don't give nearly as much foreplay as we would like! So if you can get practised at the other things, then you will be on the right track.

I bet you guys have never considered the fact that a woman may find a large penis to be intimidating?

Especially if you are a petite woman!

Once or twice in my life, a guy has whacked out one the size of a horse and I have thought, 'OMG - how am I going to deal with THAT?'

Having your intestines reamed out is not SO much fun, you know....

Re. prostitutes - well, they are not only paid for sex, they are paid to be whatever you want them to be, in the time you have paid for.

This includes Friend and Sex Therapist!

Some guys go to prostitutes because they simply want some cuddles and company. Prostitutes deal with disabled people every day, and contrary to what you believe, many of them DO care.

I would suggest going to an establishment and finding a worker that you like.

If you also tell the owner that you need some tender care, they will help you find the right girl for your needs.

Once you find someone you can relax with, the rest will follow naturally. Then you can move on from there.

Also, why not get to know some girls just as friends? If you can get comfy hanging out in female company, with no pressure to have sex, then you may be quite surprised at what happens, when the moment presents itself.

As far as thinking yourself to be unattractive - well, you know that probably isn't true!

There is bound to be at least ONE thing that a lady can fall in love with you for - maybe you have beautiful eyes, or a sweet smile. Maybe it is your love of animals, or the way you are always willing to help out.

It really does NOT go on how good-looking you are, OR the size of your dick!

You will look back in 20 years and say, 'God, I was good-looking then and I didn't even realise it!' Then you will laugh at how you are thinking now and say, 'If only I had known...'

I wish you Peace and Good times.

Pom

[flander]

Re. prostitutes - well, they are not only paid for sex, they are paid to be whatever you want them to be, in the time you have paid for.

This includes Friend and Sex Therapist!

That's an expensive way to get a friend, but I suppose at least one knows the cost up front and that they're pretending to like you. That's better than wasting a lot of time, energy, and money on someone that was just using you to get what they want until someone that they actually like comes along.

As far as thinking yourself to be unattractive - well, you know that probably isn't true!

Bachelors do have mirrors. They're probably not clean, but we still have an idea of what we look like by looking in them.

There is bound to be at least ONE thing that a lady can fall in love with you for - maybe you have beautiful eyes, or a sweet smile. Maybe it is your love of animals, or the way you are always willing to help out.

It really does NOT go on how good-looking you are, OR the size of your dick!

I guess that means we're back to the size of the bank balance...

You will look back in 20 years and say, 'God, I was good-looking then and I didn't even realise it!' Then you will laugh at how you are thinking now and say, 'If only I had known...'

nah...I was just a younger & skinnier geek and no one asked if I was going to be a mall Santa when the beard finally goes white. Women are still repelled unless they want to con me into paying for something or fix their computer. That hasn't changed.

[Wastedlife]

I meet a girl online (it was a miracle of some sort I still don’t understand how it happened) at 28 I was still a virgin then, we “tried” to have sex on the second date and I could not get a erection cause of the small penis anxiety…she was nice about it. We never meet again though and I don’t blame her, I went to my doc got some Viagra and called up a escort. So I lost my virginity to a prostitute at age 28 and been seeing them about twice a months since then. I don’t feel bad about cause I know I would have died a virgin and that’s about the worst thing that can happen to someone.

[flander]

that sounds like it could be an expensive habit