misrbl1 Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 What I want doesn't matter, even to me. If it did, then why in God's name would I stay at the side of woman who controls me?I should be excited that Wifey and I are going to work on things yet again, but I feel more like she beat us.I have no desire to be physical with her, and she doesn't unserstand why. I haven't got the backbone to tell her why. She spent all day yesterday nagging me about this and that. The sound of her voice is like a rusty nail on a slate blackboard for me. Try mustering up the desire to have sex with someone that is doing nothing to make you want to.Our financial situation is not improving. There are so many companies dipping into our bank account, seemingly whenever they want to, for all of her doctor bills, I can't keep track anymore.She's all the time asking me to show her affection while we're out, knowing full well OW is watching, and holding on to the hope that one day I'll be enough of a man to stand up for us. It's pretty obvious that I'll never be that. OW deserves a chance at hang-up free happiness, and I'll never be able to give her that. When we talked about it, she said she didn't want anybody else. I've started smoking again. If I'm going to be stuck with Wifey till death do us part, then whatever I can do to speed that process along, I'm for it. I had quit for something like four years, I was so proud of that.We're looking at moving back home to West Virginia, away from the tempation that OW creates for me. But I know the underlying feelings would still be there, even if we moved to Mars. I will always love OW, and always resent Wifey for making me give her up.Wifey still gets mad at me for even thinking about OW. If we hear a love song on the radio, she'll ask me if I'm thinking about OW. When I say yes, she'll get upset. She asked me to tell her the truth, it's not my fault the truth isn't what she wanted to hear.Sorry if I'm rambling you guys. It's early, and there's a lot going on in my head right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.