Help with my father's pedophilia

[ynotwrite]

Hello. I am a man in his early 30s who has recently become aware of his father's on-line activity, and is worried that it could be reaching into areas that might be considered pedophilia.

My father is very new to the internet---just in the last year or so. He got on MySpace, and basically got a bit crazy on it seeking women to be his "MySpace friends." I thought it was mostly harmless, until I noticed he started dialoging with an 18-year old girl in ways that were intimate and romantic.

That was months ago, and he's since moved on to different girls, all of them in their late teens or early 20s. I know that my father doesn't think there's anything wrong with this---he thinks of them as his friends. He's married, and has been for maybe 10 years. He's long been socially awkward, and very rarely has had any friends at all, so his social life is little-to-none. And, from what I can tell, his married life is very quiet.

I recently visited him, and he told me of a couple 14-year old girls he was talking with on MySpace. These girls are musicians, apparently, and my father says that's why he's talking with them. ... During my visit, I noticed my father sneaking out to make phone calls late at night. And I also heard a discussion between him and his wife during which she reminded him that he is married and to stay away from dating websites.

Anyway, I'm basically worried about him---worried that he could get worse, or get himself into trouble, or lose his wife and subsequently become much more socially isolated.

Does anyone know of resources I could use to try to help my dad? I'm thinking of some kind of intervention, but don't know much about how to do that, and how to involve a therapist.

Any help or guidance would be much appreciated. Thank you!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi ynotwrite,

Welcome to our community. I hope you find it helpful.

It seems to me that you may be overlooking a potential problem in seeking help for your father and that's whether or not he wants help. If he will not admit he has a problem there is nothing much you can do.

I would suggest that you talk to him, first, and tell him of your worries about him. Perhaps you have done this already but, if not, it is something you could do and, in speaking to him, urge him to go to psychotherapy with a psychologist or clinical social worker.

I agree with you that he could get into big trouble if he continues to do this. Those "14 year old girls" that he is corresponding with may very well be police officers.

What do others think??

Allan

[xaq75]

This isn't Paedophilia. It's still ringing alarm bells though, a grown man shouldn't really be seeking contact with teens, especially in a social context and especially when they're underage for sexual relations. I guess theres nothing wrong with a fantasy but it seems as though he might be using the internet to manifest his possible fantasy into reality. If I had the courage I would confront him about it. Nothing works better than the cold light of day on sexual and social secrets, as long as the confrontation is done lovingly.

[ynotwrite]

Thank you for your feedback. I haven't confronted him, per se, although whenever he brings it up I'll make remarks about how awfully young the girl is, or how the internet is full of people pretending to be someone they are not, etc. ... I would confront my dad, and I think I will, but I also want to be careful not to make a situation where he takes it all completely underground. He's ignorant enough about internet stuff that he doesn't know how much is public and how much is private. ... My brothers have similar worries as my own, but tend to be more angry and upset about it, thinking about creating distance between him and them, afraid it could explode into something ugly. ... Anyway, thank you very much for your help.

[paula]

Hi Ynotwrite

I know this is a long shot and it shouldn't have to come to this but, how would you feel in putting a block on these sites?

You say that your father is new to the Internet, so by doing this, he won't know any different. I know that you can do it if you have children that go on the computer. It's to stop them from going on these sites. It is only a thought!

But you must think clearly on how your father would react if he found out? Would you be able to cope with what could happen?

Good luck!

Paula

[JustTrying]

I don't think it is Paedophilia either... just a lonely old man... that has no friends??? I may be worried about the 14 yr olds though.. he may say something that will get him in trouble...

I am married 21 yrs... talk to alot of men on the computer, the phone and the CB... but there is nothing to it... I get along better with men , but they know I am married and gonna stay that way. Hubs knows about most of them...

I too do not do People Face 2 Face... I am sooo shy and awkward,. ( anxiety attacks etc.) .. heck it took me about 5 years before I would even post in a forum... Look at me now!!!

Perhaps speak to him ( do not threaten - he is a grown man) Explain to him how it may look to that 14 yr olds Dad.. And ya gotta admit 14 now is more like 32.... They may be looking for a sugar Daddy.... and yep he may get caught up in it...

I can understand your concern.... but I do not think Paedophilia.. but you know him better than I do...

Gabby