damonc23 Posted March 20, 2008 Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 Not really sure where to begin this... My wife of 10 years left last week saying she needed space and time away. Since then I have been crushed. I have never hurt so bad as I hurt now. Her reasoning for leaving was that I smothered her by wanting to know where she was at all of the time. I recently lost my mother and have been pretty depressed with that but was not aware that I was smothering anyone. My wife claims to not be seeing anyone else but her friends and co workers have told me differently. I don't really care about that part as I probably deserve it anyway. I just need to know that there is hope out there and that me trying to change my thinking and jealousy will help bring her back... I honestly have gone from wanting to kill someone to wanting to kill myself to waking up and being content with waiting for her. Am I crazy for waiting? How do I prove to her that I have been shocked back into reality? Anyone have any advice for what my friends call a SUCKER? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 You're pretty down on yourself right now, huh? I can relate. really, who can't who has been in a few relationships in their day? Part of being in a relationship is attaching emotionally to your partner, and if/when the relationship gets into trouble and a partner decides to leave you, it can be devastating for a while. Let me emphasize that last phrase, "for a while". This sort of thing hurts terribly for a while and then ultimately most of the time people find a way to move on to something new. It's not unlike a death, that way. You grieve for a while, and then ultimately you come back to life. It's hard to see how that works when you're in the middle of it, thought. I just need to know that there is hope out there and that me trying to change my thinking and jealousy will help bring her back... I honestly have gone from wanting to kill someone to wanting to kill myself to waking up and being content with waiting for her. Am I crazy for waiting?Any port in a storm, right? whether or not she comes back to you is not in your control. but people need to feel like they have some control when they are so upset, so they latch onto different 'solutions' which promise to make the pain lessen. Suicidal and homicidal feelings are one variety of 'solution' that people come up with, but these aren't real solutions in any way; they make the problem worse. Deciding that you'll wait for her to come back to you can be a place of peace but it will only work ultimately if there is a real chance of her coming back to you. You're not crazy for waiting to see what develops, but at the same time, don't be completely taken by surprise if she doesn't come back to you. What shape do you think that next port might look like? Please, be sure that it doesn't involve suicide or homicide - which will make your problems infinitely worse. Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightfalls Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Hi damonc23Your situation reminded me of a situation my sister went threw. She was dating a gentleman for 10 years and when it ended the guy was very upset, she had moved on to a new fellow but he was still hopeful she would return to him. Well the first guy didn't work for my sis and neither did 2 others and well I'm still waiting to see what is up with her now. However the fine gentleman she left behind has now settled into a relationship and I'd stay he is a much stronger man. He did stuggle lots and I'm sure he still loves my sis but he has moved on and is doing very well. I think that your heart always holds a small peace of people that have been in your life that you have loved because these people help to mold your life. The experince go's with you and hopfully betters you as an individual. take care;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalie Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 I think Mark hit upon an idea that most people don't consider when dealing with the breakup of a relationship. The breakup is a loss and can be viewed as a death (the death of the relationship). Some of the same advice that can be used to deal with the death of a loved one can be used to deal with the death of a relationship. See our Grief and Bereavement article for more information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GummiBear Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 I agree with Natalie. I've told people that when my ex broke up with me, I felt like my idea of who he was to me, died. It left me more devasted than was healthy. I held out for him, wanting him back, and it took me a year to fully realize that a relationship between us would never be what I hoped it would be.Had to learn to let go and move on. It didn't help to be stubborn.. or 'desperate' is what other people called it. I had to decide for myself how long I would upset about it. Or how long I'd hold out. And eventually, it was too much. It became time to care about being happy again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 Hi Gummibear,I agree with you and with Mark that the end of a relationship is similar to a death and time is needed to grieve. Once that grief is over it is important to move on. It always seems as though there will never be another one to love or who will love you. Actually, we are all able to start a new life with a fresh beginning and new love.Allan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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