amberlyn Posted September 27, 2010 Report Share Posted September 27, 2010 So I've been dealing with depression quite a bit lately. I had to make an emergency psychiatric appointment a week ago & adjusted my meds. Unfortunately, this new medication that I'm on is gonna take about six weeks to kick in. So until then, I'm just dealing. I woke up this morning and laid in bed for an hour and a half, crying some, because I just don't wanna be here. Not suicidal, but wanting to disappear & not deal with the world. I have to go to work at 1PM today. I was barely able to get out of bed ... now I'm sitting in my living room in sweatpants & a hoodie, not wanting to move. How am I supposed to go to work?!?Unfortunately, I really don't have the ability to miss work. I wish I did. But I know that if I miss any more work, I could lose my job. I can't afford to do that, and my boyfriend (who I live with) would be PISSED. That's been a big motivator for me, not pissing off my boyfriend. Sounds kinda pathetic, but whatever. I know all the tricks ... go exercise, get some sunshine, don't isolate, et cetera. I just don't want to do any of it. I want to get on disability. Unfortunately, I "can" work. I can start out at any job, doing almost anything. I just can't hold a job for longer than about 8 to 10 months. My resume looks like crap. I have more going on than just the bipolar ... I have anorexia, back issues, et cetera. But I'm in such a catch 22 right now. I can't really get on disability because I'm working ... but I can't afford to quit my job to try & get on disability. So I'm screwed.I broke down on my boyfriend last night. I told him that I HATE my body ... I hate it so much. Mirrors are freaking me out again - which hasn't been a problem since I went into inpatient for my eating disorder. I feel like I can't function ... but I know that I'll lose the love of my life if I don't figure out how. I can't go to the hospital 'cause I'll lose my job & upset him. I just have to make it work .... & I don't know how anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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