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How do I make it work?


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So I've been dealing with depression quite a bit lately. I had to make an emergency psychiatric appointment a week ago & adjusted my meds. Unfortunately, this new medication that I'm on is gonna take about six weeks to kick in. So until then, I'm just dealing. I woke up this morning and laid in bed for an hour and a half, crying some, because I just don't wanna be here. Not suicidal, but wanting to disappear & not deal with the world. I have to go to work at 1PM today. I was barely able to get out of bed ... now I'm sitting in my living room in sweatpants & a hoodie, not wanting to move. How am I supposed to go to work?!?

Unfortunately, I really don't have the ability to miss work. I wish I did. But I know that if I miss any more work, I could lose my job. I can't afford to do that, and my boyfriend (who I live with) would be PISSED. That's been a big motivator for me, not pissing off my boyfriend. Sounds kinda pathetic, but whatever.

I know all the tricks ... go exercise, get some sunshine, don't isolate, et cetera. I just don't want to do any of it. :)

I want to get on disability. Unfortunately, I "can" work. I can start out at any job, doing almost anything. I just can't hold a job for longer than about 8 to 10 months. My resume looks like crap. I have more going on than just the bipolar ... I have anorexia, back issues, et cetera. But I'm in such a catch 22 right now. I can't really get on disability because I'm working ... but I can't afford to quit my job to try & get on disability. So I'm screwed.

I broke down on my boyfriend last night. I told him that I HATE my body ... I hate it so much. Mirrors are freaking me out again - which hasn't been a problem since I went into inpatient for my eating disorder.

I feel like I can't function ... but I know that I'll lose the love of my life if I don't figure out how. I can't go to the hospital 'cause I'll lose my job & upset him. I just have to make it work .... & I don't know how anymore. :D

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Dear Amberlyn,

Do something different. Anything. You say you know all the tricks, but I don't believe that to be true. There are always new tricks waiting to be discovered, new details to tweak, new points of view to adopt,.... If you feel that this isn't true, then that's the depression speaking! Be well aware of that.

Keep trying! :(

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I am currently battling the oncoming depression of my cycle..it can be so overwhelming and isolating..I too know all the "tricks" that help me, its getting motivated to do them is the hard part..I usually end up just focusing on one thing to get me started. Sometimes it takes awhile to get that one thing accomplished but as soon as I do I feel some motivation going, it can be a simple task such as " I will move the chair from end of the room to the other" and thats all I focus on at that moment. Then I move to another task I keep it simple until I feel I can manage.

When I got myself to work I applied the same thought..I will start on this one task when it's done I focus on the next..It was hard not to walk in my office and freak out at the piles of folders that I need to get through, I had to force myself to just focus on the one at the top. That sometimes works for me, anyway. Hang in there.

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