So much pain

[sadsue]

Well, I am sure that this story parallels so many others on this board but here it goes:

I have ADHD, back in the early 70's when I was in school however, they didnt have a name for it. I was simply the hyperactive annoying child. My mother had 2 girls before me that she said were quiet and played with their toys for hours on end, not me. She began to treat me differently and my sisters picked up on it and were about as cruel as they could be.

I was picked on starting in first grade by a boy with the initials of JG. This boy called me names, screamed at me, threw things at me. This went on all my elementary school life up until we moved away to another state after 6th grade. He threw a lit match on me burning my neck while we were on a school field trip, he kicked me and when I raised my hand to defend myself, he broke my finger, popped as rubber band that got me in the eye, etc..... Some of the other kids didnt pick on me but they also didnt want to incur JG's wrath so I was utterly alone.

So, no real friends at school, a family at home that didnt want to deal with me. As I has ADHD, it didnt take long for me to be alienated at my new school as well. As I grew up, my sisters got married. They threw each others wedding showers, not me. They were each others maids of honor, not me. Hell, I am now in my 40's and they went on a cruise together last year, I didnt even know about it until 1 year later when I ran across the facebook pics. Neither sister came to my wedding shower, one was selling Amway products at the time and the founder came into town and she decided to go listen to a speech from him instead.

A few years ago, we all got together at a resort here in the south for the holidays, a REAL feat indeed. I put on my bathing suit and went down to the hot tub where my sisters were. 5 minutes after I got there, they left. I found out they were working out every morning. I asked what time and I would meet them there. The next am when I went, they didnt show, changing their plans and not telling me. The final insult of the week was when my mother gave out gits, giving everyone Gap gift cards. In fromt of everyone, she handed me a book , unwrapped, with the 2.50 price tag still on it. It was a book of parenting skills.

The final of all of this, I find it hard to make friends. I shy away from people because I figure that sooner or later, they will get sick of me and leave me. I dont have the kind of family I always wanted. A place where I could go and feel loved and wanted. A place where no one tells me I am too fat or my hair is too long. A place where someone really cares about me. I finally came to realize that I had to create it myself. I am married with 2 kids and one of them has ADHD and is being bullied.

You had better believe I am all over this@!!!!!! I am at the school, spoke to the parents, the principal and wont EVER let my child go through what I did. Obviously, this is just a cliff notes version, all of it would be too much to put down. After all these years, I am still hurt, I still remember and if I let myself, I would still cry.

[Shi-anne]

Hi sadsue,

Thanks for sharing your story. There was so much that I could relate to.

I was bullied daily at school and had some pretty nasty stuff done to me. Things at home weren't too good either, so, like you, I never had a 'safe place' to go to.

But you know what, sue? It actually takes great internal strength to endure the things we have and still be here. You are amazing, my dear

Take care of you

Shi-anne x

[sadsue]

Thank you..Its nice to have someone relate to what happenned. You nailed it on the head. I didnt have somewhere "safe" to go. I often wondered what would have happenned if I would have lived with a family that was desperate for a child. A family that was willing to put in the time and attention I needed.

You know, I dont have even one memory of my mother giving me a hug or telling me how much she loves me. I must tell my son that 20 times a day. I actually asked my mother about it and she said that she wasnt raised that way so it was all she knew. As I pointed out to her, neither was I but I am a way better parent than she ever was.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Sadsue,

Try not to be sad because their is help for you and for your child. Both you and your child can be helped with ADHD. A combination of medications and psychotherapy in the form of training and skills building, help to reduce the symptoms of ADHD. Please be aware that ADHD and feelings of depression go together. You cannot change the past but you can live happier from now on and so can your child.

Allan:)