Was it reall worth it?

[chatterbox512]

Okay so I went to a conference this week on Childhood Sexual Abuse. I knew right off that this was going to be a difficult conference to be at because of the fact that I am having difficulty dealing even 15 years after the fact. I have been having difficulties for weeks dealing with my emotions spiraling out of control. I had been doing pretty well with the for the most part. Today was a very very low day though. It was like I was on a roller coaster ride of emotions all day long. I ended up blowing off the afternoon sessions at this conference because I couldn't take it anymore. I started having Panic attacks where my heart races and pounds, I sweat, and get very anxious.. I don't know what to do when that happens. I had to go outside hoping the fresh air would help. I went and sat in my car, and had to do everything in my power to not turn the car on and drive right over the edge into the parking lot below. Instead I found myself grinding a pen tip into my arm just to feel something other than the vice that was gripping my entire inside. It seems like this is getting worse and I really don't know what to do. I feel like I have so many responsiblities out side of therapy that it is hard for me to fully concentrate on what we do in it. I have always used that as an excuse, and because of that we have not really fully dealt with any of the issues I have had over the years. Now I am struggling with all of it at once while still being a mom, wife, homemaker and me. I feel like everything is spiraling so fast out of control and I am lost as to how to gain it back again. I have always been one to need to be in control, so when it gets this bad and I have to ask for help it is really bad.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

hi chatterbox,

is the conference over now?

I'm sorry this has been so difficult for you, but at the same time I hear that you were okay with it for the most part. I don't have experiences with panic attacks and I don't want to give you wrong advice on that. I think maybe you can use this experience for your therapy, so that you now know better what you want to work on with your therapist?

Also, I've been to conferences related to work, so none that would have a personal topic, but they'd without exception be exhausting. It's easy to underestimate that, when all you seem to do is sit around and drink coffee.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

S.

[Luna-]

Hi chatterbox. I can hear the desperation. Is there any way you can slow down the pace of facing all this? Going to a conference on CSA sounds to me like holding a handful of spiders when you have a spider phobia. You are in a busy phase of life: mom, wife, homemaker, never mind just you - don't underestimate the demands of those roles. Could you still keep going with trying to deal with it, but just slow down the pace?

Anyways, not sure if you wanted advice. It sounds like you got overwhelmed and if you're also not sleeping well, it's pretty much understandable what happened. What could you do that would soothe you now...?

[chatterbox512]

I have tried slowing the pace down in the past, but it just seems that it gets so slowed down that nothing moves forward, everything only gets put on the back burner and life goes on. Mind you I would love for life to go on as usual, but I don't think that is in the forcast for this time around. I was there with my 'chosen" mom, which did help. She was in almost all the sessions with me, and also hung out with me when I couldn't do it anymore. She is an amazing person and support system. I do agree that it is like holding a handful of spiders when you have a spider phobia. Even my therapist thought it may not be a good time to do this yet, and I went and did it anyway. ON the plus side I know have all my CEU's in for this term. Was it worth it I don't know. This was inevitable, and maybe it is a good thing that it came to a head when my son was so young, so he won't remember most of it. But it is time to hit the hammer on the head (so to say) and move forward. Hopefully today will be a better day. I did sleep "decent" last night, if you can call tossing and turning decent.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Chatterbox,

I think it would make sense if you learned some relaxation techniques that you can use when ever you feel as though you will have a panic attack. I am not saying that this is any kind of solution for your past trauma, but just a set of handy techniques to reduce tension, anxiety, panic, etc.

I suggest you go to our self help book, here at Mental Help Net and read about some of these stress reducing methods. Just for example: Deep Breathing, Meditation, Yoga, etc. are very useful.

Allan

[chatterbox512]

I have tried the deep breathing, and I find that it does help while I am actually doing it, but the minute I am not everything returns full fledge. I have also tried Yoga. This does work very well, but I am not so good at doing it out side of a class, so it doesn't work as well. Of course I am in need of some major excersise when the classes aren't going on, so that is something I need to work on.

I realize that relaxation is a vital part of making through these very stressful times, but that in its self is something I struggle with, as I am almost never relaxed enough to enjoy something fully. That is something I am trying to figure out coping techniques to.