Desert

[soh238]

I feel completely alone. I don't have any friends - or at least I feel this way. I am the epitome of the school misfit. Sometimes it feels like people are just repelled by my negative energy, but how can I be positive when I feel so alone and deserted? I don't know what to do. I used to be better at these sorts of things, but it all fell through starting last year, and things don't seem to be getting better. I just want to know that there's someone out there like me, who went through the same thing but became stronger for it. I know I shouldn't based my self worth on how many friends I have and whether people like me or not, but how do I do that? The world just seems really narrow and cold right now. No one seems very warm or welcoming and I just feel really empty... I don't know what to do...

[chatterbox512]

Soh, I have been and still am in your spot. I know very well what if feels like walk into a room and feel totally unnoticed especially when all you want is to be noticed. I was a misfit through most of my school life, partially due to the abuse I was dealing with at home. I was extremely introverted, and wanted to sink into the walls most times but at the same time I wanted everyone to notice that I wasn't happy and needed help. It is very hard to be noticed when you have a negative energy around you. As my therapist told me today, if you aren't happy with yourself and don't like yourself, then how is anyone else going to like you. They see that you are not pleased with who you are and instead of making the effort to move past that with you, they just turn and walk the other way.

Being that I have been through this for 20 years I feel like I have made small advancements in how I handle this. I don't feel any better about myself, and I am in therapy for that (I would recommend that for you also, because a therapist can help you figure out why you are not happy), but I also find that I connect with adults older than me. I have a few friends my own age, but most are at least five years older, and that is okay with me because it seems they have more wisdom and life experience. When I was in school, I also saught out adults. I made friends with my teachers which helped me make it through school some what sane. I am actually really good friends with one of my teachers and have been friends for 15 years.

There is hope, it is hard to go through school with that feeling of being invisible to the rest of the students, but you have to look within yourself to find what it is you need, then seek it out. It may be something you enjoy doing like volunteer work, or working with your younger classmates, or being an teacher assistant. It really does get better, I know this first hand. If you can though I would seek counseling, they will help you get to the route of your negative issues and give you hope for the future.

Best of Luck

[soh238]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it - and I'll definitely follow some of your advice