Forgiveness for 'you'.....

[confused12]

I have just read the Rss feed on 'forgiveness for 'you' '. I don't get it? I can't forgive a murder for my sake. Have I missed something? Yes I know he may of had a hard life. But so have many people, we don't go out and kill a person for no reason. Can anyone explain this article a little clearer to me please? I would like to try and understand.

[gordian knot]

confused,

Forgiveness is such a tricky issue. How do we allow ourselves to heal when someone has done something hurtful?

The common misconception about forgiveness is that it excuses or forgives the behavior that hurt us initially. Like in your example--how do you excuse someone for murdering someone? Obviously we can't give someone a bunch of chances to murder again if they have demonstrated they will do it.

The key to this type of forgiveness (the kind talked about in the article) is letting go of our own hurt, resentment, rage and hatred. This does NOT mean that we say that the hurtful action was acceptable or that the person who performed the action is not responsible.

When we are able to let go, it becomes the ultimate act of self-care because it allows us to move on with our own life, without being weighted down and torn up inside by chronic anger and stress. This type of forgiveness has very little (some would say NOTHING) to do with the other person--it is all about allowing ourselves to heal by saying and demonstrating, "the violator no longer has power over this area of my life--instead of obsessing about the hurt he or she caused, I am going to move forward and not live in that pit of pain anymore."

This moving on is the ultimate act of freedom from the control, terror and pain forced upon us by the violating individual. In many ways, this type of forgiveness is the ultimate act of defiance, but the only way it can be achieved is by letting go of the obsessional anger that we usually associate with defiance.

This type of forgiveness never forgets the original offense. It never excuses hurtful actions. It does not mean declining to press appropriate criminal charges. But it allows our hearts and souls to move on and live in the present, instead of dwelling on the excruciating events that happened in the past.

I hope this helps.

peace,

sean

[confused12]

Thank you Gordin Knot for your thoughts.

I guess I have a way to go in discovering what I actually feel because I don't notice any anger, however hurt is prodominate. I have spent much of my life not feeling to much at all. Until the day he was released from jail. I just don't know how I can trust people. I know first hand what human's are capable of. It is a fear of not being in control of other peoples actions. I want everyone to be safe but I know this will never be real.

I will keep trying to understand.

Confused

[Guest existindeath]

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Edited November 7, 2009 by existindeath