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Gabby went to an AA meeting tonight ( ok nothing special) BUT I liked it!!!! WHOOO!

Talked to a friend of mine Monday to get me signed into rehab... he didn't do it.. he says ween off of it,.... ok where is he at 3am when I am shaking, crying and throwing up???

He, Hubs and most of my friends do not believe in rehab.. they say try this or that.... Gabby has already tried this or that....

My thinking .. rehab may not help.. but what will it hurt????

The guys at AA tonight gave me some ideas of rehabs I can get MYSELF into.... ..

Guess I am just talking... but thankyou for listening...


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As you probably know, I am a compulsive gambler. Over many years I have been in and around various treatment options for addictions. (I even worked in a treatment center once)

Anyway, my thought is--go to rehab. It will at the very least give you a chance to take a breather and get out of your "normal" drinking environment. It wil also give you a safe place to detox from alcohol. If your drinking wasn't extremely heavy, this may not be an issue, but better safe than sorry. (I just reread your post and the fact that you shake and throw up, tells me you may well be in alcohol withdrawal, which can be very dangerous)

I am not a super strong believer in AA-type approaches for my addictions, BUT if you liked a meeting then good for you! :cool:

Let us know how it goes, okay?


Edited by Catmom
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The rehab is not just a retreat - it is also a medically supervised detox from alcohol. This is significant. Going cold turkey from alcohol when you are dependent on it can kill you. Seizures, DTs and even actual death. the proper way to do it is to come down slowly on a benzo (or similar) taper protocol (where some drug is used as an alcohol analog to keep you from having a seizure, while your body gets used to having less and less central nervous system depressant drug in it. Ultimately, if your dose is stepped down slowly over a few days, it is safe to come off entirely. If for no other reason, this is a really important part of rehab.

Staying sober is an entirely other problem, and there what support you find useful, whether that is AA, SMART recover, etc. is up to you what you find convenient, palatable and acceptable.


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Hi Gabby,

I am sooo pleased that you have decided to seek help for your drinking. A rehab is a great place to begin recovery. It gets you away from other influences and allows you time to focus on yourself and what alcohol has done to your life.

Unlike MANY others on this post, I loved going to AA. I enjoyed having a place to go when I felt lonely. I liked most of the people, liked the meetings, did the steps and stayed sober for all these years-- I am, however NOT close-minded, believing that it is the ONLY way to stay sober. It is one way and any way you choose to stay sober is the best way for you.

It is not unusual for some people around you not to want you to go to rehab. They fear the changes it will bring to your life and theirs. You have been "the bad one" for a time and once you are sober and doing well, your position will be different. And that will be great!!!

Many, many good wishes to you, SuziQ

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Thank you fot yuor replies... I drank Thursday night a week ago..... the first time in almost 30 days. I quit 8/29/2008 when Mom died.... I messed up.. I have NEVER had shakes, throwing up etc.... I am being to think it may have something to do with the New meds I am on. Maybe the Combination of them both???

I think Rehab is a good idea.. it will get me out of my drinking zone.. I will not be able to get beer when I want it. And the detox may be helpfull. I do not know if I am doing DT's I think that should have been over by now???? I drank 3 beers this morning so I could quit shaking... No more that is it... I know not good but better???

As far as AA goes... I will decide how or if to do that.. I also do RR and Smart, Lifering. and read some posts on WFS.

I have been trying to free my mind of AA or anti -AA stuff and am trying to have an open mind... am also talking to someone about trying to start a DRA group.

The thing about being signed in is that it only cost $45.00.... if you sign yourself in it cost $1200.00....

But I ramble.... thanks again for the great responses...


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BTW > I cut myself pretty bad on the arm Thursday .. this week.. I am thinking also of signing myself into The mental Hops ( 5th floor) My therapist was going to do it last night but he would have to call the cops and he knows I hate that... so I will be talking to hubs when he gets home and Paul . my therapist.

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Hi Gabby-

It concerns me that you cut yourself. Am I understanding correctly that you drank 1 week ago on Thursday and then cut yourself this week on Thursday? Was the cutting a way to deal with your feelings without drinking or am I totally off base here? I am also wondering if there is something especially difficult about Thursdays for you.

Regardless, if you were my sister I would tell you to go to rehab ASAP. After you get the immediate negative effects of alcohol out of your system, you will better be able to address your emotional issues.

Don't get into the "paralysis of analysis" whether you should go to a psych hospital instead of rehab or vice versa. Go to rehab now. Let us know how it goes. I, for one, am rooting for you.


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I know I am overanalysing the situation and making excuses, before I even post this.

Right now .. this minute I feel fine. If I can get someone to sign the papers Monday there is still a waiting period for a bed. I have seen people wait in county jail for a month or longer to go to Rehab. However , the man I talked to said that if I did not have an warrents then he will work with me on that. He is the "new" chancilor .. new this year.

The 5th Floor ( Mental Hops) I can go and just show them my arm and tell them I plan to do it again and they have to take me. But that would be a lie, because I do ot ever PLAN to do this cutting. But with no insurance they give you a week, and perhaps change or up your meds and out the door you go and right back to where I started. So what is the point? I am not in any immediate danger.

OK.... MY plan. ( If I can get my husband off my back - He THINKS HE IS GOING TO MAKE ME GOTO TN WITH HIM THIS WEEK) * I do not do the MAKE ME stuff real well****

MY PLAN.. 1)do not drink.. goto the AA meetings on Tue and Thurs. I believe I can do this with a little support

2) go see my therapist actually face to face instead of just call him when I am in crisis.. Perhaps up the meds some? They said 3 days should see improvemnet ...well I guess in a round about way I do. but there are the stressf ull moments and I must learn how to deal with those.

As far as the cutting goes.. I belive I do it as a form of punishement.... but what I can't figure out, is am I trying to punish myself or someone else? Is it like drinking at someone? Like let's say OK... I will get drunk and get a DUI ... man that will show you ! Or ok BABE this body you like so much... I will just scar it all up . .. that will teach you to not show me attention????

I know that is not logical thinking but that is alocoholic ( if you believe in alcoholics) thinking. I like to prefer to my drinking as having an allergery to alcohol , like peanuts if you are allergic and do not eat them you are ok. I do not like to compare alcohol to cancer etc.

I believe I can get a handle on this and I am working on it. Just coming here and reading some helps. However I had to quit reading in the cutting forums.. I could not handle reading that. But I am happy people feel free to talk about it and post.

In all fairness to Hubs... he works out of town. Seems like I always have a crisis when he is gone. When he is home I feel better. Honestly I do.... well sometimes I still feel bad but I can't lay in bed or I can't run around the house cussing etc. he will think I am Crazy!! Does that make sense... If I can control my self to some degree when he is home then why can I not do it when he is at work? I use to tell myself I was just faking all this. ( man wish I was)

But anywho.. I told him Friday I was going to sign myself into the 5th floor.... I didn't .... I told him Sat Morning on his ride home that we would discuss it when he got home and PERHAPS I would just go with him.... we have had no discussion.. he took away all my money and he thinks I am going with him.... I AM NOT...reason being he is trying to make me do it. It will be a cold day in Hell before I go to TN monday.

If we had talked about it .. I probiably would not have a problem and if he had given me the bill money Saturday so I could put it in the bank so that check I wrote would not have bounced. And I could pay the phone bill .. then things may have gone diffrent.

DOES any of that make sense???? I am going into a rant right now. I need to calm down.... talk to you later. I do not know if any of this post makes sense. He just got up... later..


Edited by JustTrying
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Ok.. I started to delete the previous post... Why?? Because I have practically been run off another site ( an substance abuse site) Because they say my posts do not make sense and all I want is attetntion , attention , attention. ( of course you know stubborn me ( or do you? ) That just makes me want to post more) I was actually told I make ALL of my life up and that I do not exsist. I have been a member of that site for over 4 yrs.

Some are frustrated that I refuse to do things on their time line. That I think things over and make up my mind to do something, then think some more and change my mind. ( sometimes several times a day). I do not mind the critism... but they name calling etc. That does not seem real healthy coming from someone who claims to be an alcohol and drug counsiler and treats Schizophrenics. This person has gone so far as to call my doctors Quaks because they do not DEMAND I go to inpatient treatment. I think my docs know me better than she..

I think I have made a great improvement over the past 6 months. But hey what do I know? I mean I am the one who lives with me...

OK... getting caried away... the point to this last post is... please do not let me drive you to the point of driving me away. If I do not make sense please let me know. I may have to re read and re think. But I am on the road to recovery ... both alcohol and MI. I do not need to be attacked. But I will glady listen to anyones opionion... but that is the way I take it, an opinion. SOmethng for me to think about and decide if it is right for me. Perhaps talk to my docs about it. I do not do anything major with out first talking to my docs. I may try exercise for example... but to take a herbal suppliment ( for example again) I would consult my PDOC.

So what ya'll think.... will I drive you out of your mind???


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Hi Gabs

As you once said to me, BREATH! If this site is saying that you want attention then let it! It seems to me that you know and fully understand what you are talking about! That may be the problem gabby! That you do know and understand what you are talking about might be a threat to them!

Because of this, they cannot talk to you like you are an imbecile, like the rest of them? You have your witts about you!

If your not happy then put a complaint in to the board! There is nothing worst than trying to help and it all back firing on you?

Well you've got two choices. 1 - either go back on the site and stand your ground or 2 - leave the site alone and to hell with them! The ball's in your court Gabs?

I'm alway's here to talk to if you need me, or you can email me on my email address. You have it don't you?

You are on the road to recovery, and if they say you arn't then stuff the lot of em!

Take care!

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Thank you Paula and Kay!!! I guess I just needed some reasurring.

If you are not suppose to post, what is a forum for? And I have read and re read my posts. I try to make sense. There were times when I would get on there manic or drunk and not make sense ... but most of the time I do... Thank you again.

I think the problem is that I will not just do what they say. Some have been sober for years... but I do not want that kind of sobriety. Others are nice or at least are not mean. What I try to do is if I cannot say something nice or at least supportive or helpful.. I say nothing or perhaps give this person a ((( HUG))).... to let them kow I did read their post and they are important.

I will go back to the site and I will post.. perhaps not as much. But I am stubborn and the few people I have a problem with are not going to run me off... I will not post to them or be mean to them .. just post to my friends... I think that is the way to handle it.

As far as recovery goes... yeah I KNOW I am slow.... but I also know that I am at the point I want to be sober and sane... and if that means quit drinking and taking meds ( both of which I have fought for years) then so be it!

Going to see about going to an AA meeting tonight. hubs and I have still not had a talk yet. about him thinking I am going to TN... I really do need to goto the Medicaid office and see about getting a denial letter so that I can get mymeds for $5.00. and I would like to goto the AA meetings and I would like to pay the phone bilL!!! ( no phone.... no internet .. unlesss I goto the library!!!) LOL!!!!

Plus I have 13 ( well 12 now dogs.) That I hate to leave. Maybe over night is ok but for 2 or 3 days??? I do not like it. If he gives me the money I will glady come spend Wednesday night with him.

Well anyway just talking now... but it is nice to know everyone is not against me! If I do sound off the wall sometimes, just point it out to me... please..


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Awe Gabs it's so lovely to hear you again! I've missed you!

Listen! The last thing you want to be doing now is getting yourself all worked up!

You have a problem! SO WHAT! We have all got problems! Take it one day at a time! If you feel that your not ready yet to quit drinking then don't do it! You may as well be pissin against the wind if you try and do something that deep down your not ready to do?

People don't think of the planning that has to be done to arrange for you to go into detox? Your dog's for instance! Them dog's are your life! Them dog's have been there for you every step of the way and the sooner people realise that the better.

You went on that site for a bit of support and not to be told what to do? If your anything like me, your probably sick of everyone telling you what to do. Maybe there advice is right, but you have to deal with it in your own way? If and when your ready?

Gabby, alls I can say is who needs friends like that? If they are your friends, then I hate to think what your enemy's are like?

Take care! Thinking of you!

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Here I go! Done started a thread all about me!!!

I was actually posting about going to rehab( on the other site) .. and then I made the mistake of telling them it fell through... so I am a bad person... do not exsist etc... oh well time to let that go.

That is one thing some people do not understand about me. I eventually will do the right thing.. and a push or a suggestion is welcomed.. but do not DEMAND I do something.

That is like my husband. He shorted me $100.00 because I would not got Tenneesee. SOOOO Ol' Gabby will NOT pay the phone bill this week or the electric. I do not have enough money to do either. He thinks this will FORCE me to not drink.... WRONG!!! I will not drink because I DO NOT WANT TO.. but if I did .. all I have to do is fix my hair, have $2.00 in my pocket and goto a bar. I will pay the electric and try to pay the car insurance next week.. both will be late.. but If they cut the phone off so be it. He will loose his cell phone and I can always goto the library to use the computer. Guess he thought I was going to cry and carry on... wrong!!!! I truely do not care.

He also told me tonight that I have no friends... Well these so called Non- friends have been here for me for a long time (f2f).

BUT he did say if I decided to goto rehab he would come home and sign the papers himself. I know the "old Fart" loves me. And I do scare him. And he does have to work. But he thinks he can bully me.... ol" Gabs will not be bullied. I have lived through hell and beatings ( In other relationships) and I never backed down then and I will not now.

Don't get the wrong Idea we really do not fight.. we just do not talk or resolve anything,... his motto is ignore it, it will go away.... well one day I might.

OK ENOUGH RANTING!!!!! Is this the site you are not suppose to use capitols on??? I can't remember , something about it upsetting some people?????

I am still soooooo undecided what to do. Like I told him tonight not only do I want to quit.. I HAVE to quit... or I will end up dead or seriously hurt myself. Course he is back on that trip that I only do these things because I am drunk... I was not drunk. I think the drinking is self- medicating. But I realize now that the proper meds will not work if I continue to drink. I tried to explain all this to him.

Found my discharge papers from the 5th floor last time I was there... I was looking for my Birth Certificate for the Medicaid place. It said I was paranoid schizophrenic. So maybe they are treating me for the right thing?? I thought they said I was Bipolar. But the INVEGA they have me on is for schizo.. according to their website. ( think that is one thing that irritates people , first thing I do is investigate anything)

Don't know, but I know that I need to take my meds properly and not drink... got an appointment the 16th of October.. to talk to the woman that writes the scripts and see if this is working or if we need to up the dose etc. Thought I was getting Breast milk ( sorry guys!!! ) like I did with the Rysperdal .. but the sorness is going a way so maybe not.

Ok so Paula and the rest I do not know YET,, hang in with me on this magical journey. I will not be posting my most intimate thoughts on the other site.... so you all will get them.... I hope I am right and that the problem on the other site is not me... but here I go all insecure again... just let me know.. do not call me names. I think one thing they do not like about me is I am too honest. Well I have seen a lot of honest posts on this site.. so maybe I will be ok.

At the end of this journey is a rainbow!


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Hi Gabs

Feeling any better? There is a rainbow at the end of all this!

Maybe you have got a problem with the drink but has anyone asked you why you drink? Fair enough, people are so fond of telling you to quit drinking but I bet no-one's asked you why you are drinking in the first place?

For you to drink practicually every day, there must be something that is making you feel so low to drink in the first place. Untill that reason being dealt with, what is the point in trying to give up drinking? The issues that turned you to drink in the first place need facing and being dealt with!

The root of the problem need to be sorted first before coming off the end product. Otherwise you are going to find something else to take the place of drink to make you feel anything like human.

They've all got their heads so far up their arses that there missing the main point! WHY!

Hope things work out for you Gabby!

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Hi Ya!!!

A friend of mine that is schizo and I were talking about this this morning. He use to drink real bad too... My husband thinks the drinking causes my MI ( mental illness) I say the MI causes the drinking. Gman agrees with me.

But we both agree that I cannot fix the MI with meds and continue to drink. The meds will not work right. And if I get the meds right I may not have the desire to drink .. or self-medicate...

Sorta like what came first? The chicken or the egg???

Sober again tonight. It is really not all that hard.. The thought crossed my mind but, I didn't go get any. No shakes today. I do have a few xanex in the cabinet in case things get bad but, I am hoping to not need them. Plan on an AA meeting tomorrow.

George took some of my money but I have to go to Corinth tomorrow anyway to give the people at medicade the info they need and I plan on hanging out at the library until 8pm... that way I only have to buy gas one time. They have a computer at the library... I wll try to log in....

But things are going pretty good, right now.....

There are alot of people on that site discusiing in a general way the way I was treated the other night and you find out who your friends are!! I am posting but not about anything serious... I just do not want to....

But you all have a great night!!


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Kay... I know this is AA .. do not know how you feel about AA .. but I find I can use some of the things they say.. For me it has to be one day at a time. At least for right now.... Sober today and plan on staying that way.

I wrote a letter to my Phycotherapist ( I have calling him a counsilor all this time ! Whoops!) And I gave it to him. I explained alot of what has been going on and that I need help and I need him to help me formulte a plan.

He is not big on AA. But at this time I feel that is one thing I can do right now... so far it has not hurt!'

Hang in there! Gabby

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