sadgreeneyes Posted December 1, 2010 Report Share Posted December 1, 2010 I have ptsd about nudity...it has been a struggle over 17 years, it got triggered by a statement from my first boyfriend, he stated everyone wanted a baywatch woman, now it feels worse than ever, like if my husband will see nudity ( woman ) I know I just want to disappear, run away, I cry, I get cranky and I start to blame the man he is looking, my heart is racing and I feel of no worth, I feel humiliated and shameful, it is horrible. Now I am frequently having bad dreams about my ptsd problems. In my dreams I cant find my husband and I dont know what he see, I run around trying to find him and there is nudity in my face everywhere and I am so vulnerable and scared. When I wake up I think about the dream and my ptsd all day. The dreams have started after I married 4 months ago in Jordan ( he´s not her yet) because I know that my husband will come here to my country and because of this my ptsd will be unbearable. Many times I am thinking about plans how to avoid it in my home,dont know how to.. like the tv, but outside my home I dont know what to do,like in summertime. I remember when I was around 6 years old that I was shameful being naked and a pic was taken of us all. I had to hide with my arms around me. It was bad. I have had two episodes at age 13 where I did something sexually in front of my father but dont think he did see me, I am ashamed about it and dont know why I did something like this. In my adult life I always have had disgusting feeling if my father had his hug, I have felt that he think I think sexual if I look at him for more than 3 seconds or so. I remember I was thinking my father was thinking sexually in my teenage years, like I had force thoughts to close the bedroom and bathroom door in case he would come in. I guess I had these thoughts because of my brother, he did come to the doorstep in a sexually way and it was unpleasant. At age 12 a married man show me porn and told me not to tell the wife.I fear so much this nudity now when my husband will come, I dont know what to do. I have told him little bit about my fear, he has said he doesnt need any channel at all, just his own in Jordan. And that is ok because they dont show any bad things so much. It means I have to sacrifice my channels as I am to afraid having them in case I get into my ptsd situation.I dont know what to do. And I dont know why I have so much fear and horrible feelings around this. I am thinking I wont be accepted if I get any outbreak. And I dont want to have this, I dont want to experience this again. If my husband loves me do you think he will help me with this? to make it better for me? I think if I tell my husband he will maybe use it against me, if he loves me he will not of course, but my earlier boyfriend used it against me to hurt me, he was abusive. I am afraid what if my husband is like that too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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