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My minds a soup and I'm angry


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So anything I do today is probably going to result in me being disappointed in myself.

I'm smoking some meth today. Because when I woke up, my dad was sitting outside my room. Even though we've had arguments about people being outside of my room when I wake up.

All I hear is the newspaper turning every few minutes, his heavy breathing, his pen clicking, a burp AND a fart every now and then, him clearing his throat, him getting up to make a cup of tea, the seat creaking every times he moves, gets up or sits back down.

He only sits there to spy on me, or to abuse me, because I've told him many times, I've told my mother to tell him MANY TIMES, that I hate it when people are outside of my room.

Like when people sit less that 4 feet away from you with only a thin wall separating you.

TO ME, THAT'S THE ABSOLUTE HEIGHT OF RUDENESS, AND THE HEIGHT OF ABUSE. TO KNOW YOU'RE OWN SON HATES PEOPLE SITTING OUTSIDE HIS ROOM, TO SIT THERE DAILY, AND FOR HOURS ON END, KNOWING THAT YOUR SON HAS A DRY THROAT, IS EXTREMELY THIRSTY, HUNGRY TO THE POINT OF STOMACH HURTING AND HIPBONES STICKING OUT, CANNOT BREATHE BECAUSE THE DOORS AND WINDOW ARE SHUT AND CAN'T EVEN OPEN THEM BECAUSE DAD'S SITTING OUTSIDE AND WILL KNOW THAT I'M MOVING AROUND.

I'VE TOLD HIM THAT'S HOW HIM SITTING OUTSIDE OF MY ROOM AFFECTS ME!!!!! SO HE DECIDES HE'S GOING TO DO IT EVERYDAY. BECAUSE IT'S "HIS HOUSE" WE'VE HAD COUNTLESS ARGUMENTS OVER IT. IT'S A SIMPLE MATTER OF JUST, BEING SOMEWHERE ELSE. I MEAN THERE'S PLENTY OF WAY MORE COMFORTABLE PLACES TO BE, WHY DOES HE PICK AN UNCOMFORTABLE PLACE TO SIT, UNLESS HE INTENTIONALLY INTENDS ON ABUSING ME.

I get to murderous levels of rage when I have to sit inside my room with no air, food or liquid of ANY kind for7+ hours straight, and no toilet either. Yes, I hold everything in.

I have every right to steal as much money as I want to get high.

I managed to escape for now but I stormed out and didn't say anything to him. I just heard him burrrrrrrrp then. FUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!!

I decided instead of smoking it today, I'm going to shoot it up. I'll bring my pipe in case I chicken out. But when I go out, I intend on shooting it up my arm because MY DAD WONT GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY MOTHERFUCKING ROOM!!!

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