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Butterfly Journey

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Well, I signed up for this message board not too long ago. I was planning on using the "service" before now, I just didn't know how to word things and have people understand them. And now, I am here because things just seem to be getting worse, and I can't hold it all in. After tonight, at midnight, everything is going to change. My mood probably will be one of these things that will change (as if its not crappy enough already). I am currently in school trying to get my diploma. Yes, I could just take one test and get my GED, but I don't want that. I want a diploma and then to move onto college. Well, I am feeling as if I will never make it now. I have always helped people, at times I have even put their issues before mine. Now, when I need help........nobody wants to be there. I have all these little things that keep adding up the stress, and then a few major issues that just tangle the web even more. This makes it really hard to concentrate on school and studying. I was having an extremely difficult time studying for my exams........and now, I guess I shouldn't even worry about it.....because my car insurance gets canceled tonight, yup, that's what happens at midnight. Once that change occurs, I won't be able to go take my exams. None of my family wants to help, none of my friends want to help.......so I guess im just screwed.....it's too far to walk there, and I don't have any money for the bus. Like, I am seriously broke. I can't find a job because for some reason around here you need a degree to even serve food. It's just ridiculous, I dont remember ever learning about how to serve food while I was in school....ridiculous it is. It's all starting to take a toll on me.......it's getting harder to breath, my anxiety is rising again (and I dont want the attacks to come back again, been free of that for almost 3 years now), when im really stressed my left eye twitches (dont think thats a good thing), and on the weekends when im not looking for a job all i seem to want to do is sleep i just get sooooo tired its like i cant even function anymore. My stomach has felt ill for over a month now, to the point of where i can barely eat anything, ive lost like almost 10 pounds and for someone who only weighed 110 to start with, you can see how this is a problem. I know the stomach issues are not pregnancy related before anyone even says anything about that....i know this because it's been over a year since my last interaction with a man...and it will probably continue to be that way because i dont need more stress in my life right now.

And I dont even know what i want from writing all of this, other than maybe an ear, because nobody in my life right now wants to lend one.

I really dont know what else to write as of this moment. Thank you for listening.

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Hi Buterfly Journey

My o my we are depressed! You don't really mention much in your post of your living situation?

Do you live on your own? Do you not claim any sort of benefits if you are out of work? Hate to say this but it might be a good thing that you are not using the car. A car needs money to run as I know because I drive myself and am also unemployed at the mo so I know what your going through!

I understand how important studying can be! I study twice a week. Numeracy and Literacy. My courses are a bit away from where I live but I could walk if need be. What about walking there? If my studies mean that much to me then I would walk there rather than miss them, and have done.

By having a car your talking money. Insurance, Tax, M.O.T, Service, petrol, general wear and tear, tyres, exhaust, I could go on and on. If you are finding it hard, like no doubt you are, then luxuries have to go? Now a days a car is classed as a luxury.

I'm sorry to put a downer on your moods but its time to come to reality. Even if someone did come to your rescue, then how could you pay them back and how are you going to be able to afford to run this car if you are struggling now

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Hi Butterfly, I read your post and it reminded me of some other students who have had similar experiences with high stress, weight loss, fatigue, and all of the associated matters that usually entail living as a human. I think it's time to take inventory of yourself and "regroup". Are your basic needs being met? You say your stomach has felt ill and you can barely eat, have you tried spreading your meals throughout the day? If you have not eaten regularly on the usual breakfast, lunch, dinner sequence maybe you need to just eat less and more frequently. Keep small snacks like granola bars handy to space out your day. Remember that your body consumes a great deal of energy overnight as you sleep so breakfasts are important to replenish your supplies and keep your metabolism going for the rest of the day. Also, make sure you are consuming enough liquids throughout the day. Green tea is a good beaverage choice as it will help your metabolism. People generally consume 1.5 L of tea a day to keep the caffeine from hampering their performance. You should consider a multivitamin for now because your diet is probably not providing everything your body needs.

For your ride problem, is there a teacher you can talk to who can give you a ride to the exams? I understand that this may bring you outside of your comfort zone, but if you cannot walk to the exams you have to find another way. Look at it this way, you can manage your actions, but you cannot control the results. In this case, you can manage what you do to address a problem, which is to ask a teacher for a ride, but you cannot control the result, which is the response. There may also be youth programs or volunteer services which may be able to help you. Generally they provide counselling, but they may be able to direct you to some services. Don't give up, all is not lost, you need to explore your options to get yourself to the exams.

Hang in there and remember you don't have to keep things to yourself! Talk to us, talk to someone you trust, cry if you have to, but know that you will survive this.

Edited by kaudio
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