Connection

[confused12]

I have posted a couple of questions recently and have found responses very helpful. I have another question which has just come up over the past three days.

I have felt rather inhibited for many years and at times even possible labeled 'resistant' in the mental health setting I'm in. It's not that I have not wanted to engage in therapy but just been unable to actually put my thoughts into words.

Now, after 10 months I have this need to speak with my therapist. I have never been like this before or with anyone. It is scary because it's like I need to depend on someone other than myself. I want to be able to keep this state for a while and explore it in therapy which is a week away. How can I keep this need to connect open and remain so uninhibited rather than repress all thoughts and feelings and end up dissociating.

Does anyone have any idea's please

Confused12

[Mark]

Confused,

It is all but impossible to hold on to a feeling. they come and go as they please, it seems to me. But you can document them through a variety of means - by writing in a journal, by tape recording yourself speaking about what you are feeling, or by video taping yourself. then, reviewing this material shortly before you go into therapy (or possibly even bringing it into therapy with you ??) can help you retrieve the feeling so that you can speak about it with more accuracy while in the therapy session. It's not perfect and often you can't recreate the feeling, but it can help a great deal to do this sort of journaling or recording.

Mark

[gordian knot]

Confused,

I'm so happy for you! It sounds like this is a breakthrough moment. As Mark mentioned, you can't really trap an emotional moment in a bottle, but it sounds like maybe something is 'breaking loose' in your resistance, so there is great hope that these moments may start happening more often. Sometimes one little piece of our shell cracks and then a flood of wonderful (yet scary) openings start to happen all over. Eventually, I believe they will happen in the therapist's office while you are in session, and that will be an amazing time for both you and your therapist.

I know your therapist would want to know about these new developments. Do you have a way to contact her or him by phone? A moment like this is very exciting and if you have built your trust to the level of feeling this way (even if for a moment), I believe your therapist will find it exciting as well. Some therapists are quite open to phone conversations and/or email between sessions, and others are more reserved. Still, almost all therapists want to know any time anything really significant happens to (or for) a patient; I can't help but think your therapist would want to hear from you now, even though you do not have a regularly scheduled session for another week.

My session went remarkably well today too, after a rough one last Friday (I go Mondays & Fridays)... lots of connections are being made in my mind and emotions right now... so many really old anxieties are finally being named and brought out into the light, where we (my therapist and I) can better assess their validity. It is so tough being at this stage where I am so dependent upon her for my emotional well-being; I am still very much in the emoitonal 'breastfeeding' stage of not being able to grow much on my own without her feeding me. It feels silly and humiliating, yet somehow liberating to admit that, since I'm not a baby of course, but a 34-year old man.

Take care of yourself during this exciting time, Confused. Sometimes the hightened state you are describing can leave you feeling exhausted afterwards. I'm rooting for you and I hope to hear more about your journey soon!

Best,

Sean

[confused12]

Thank you Mark and Sean

Just a little overwhelmed I will get back to you though.

Confused12

[JustTrying]

I find it helpful to write a letter or a journal page about what is going on ... and give it to the therapist and then talk about it.

Gabby

[Guest ASchwartz]

Confused,

Just try to remember this: We all need one another and we all depend on one another. This is true of everyone of us with no exceptions. I know you fear this but you are not alone in needing others and it's a good thing that feel this with your therapist. I think you are scared of dependence: well, it's OK to feel scared and it's ok to feel the need to depend on another person.

Allan

[confused12]

Thank you all,

I am trully gutted at the moment. I told my therapist about the feeling I have been experiencing about the need to talk. I actually can't remember what he said because it has been drowned out by him telling me that he was leaving. I have a bit of time to process this I think but very bad timing.

Will I ever get to trust another Therapist again?

I do hope so much that the next couple of sessions work out and I won't be left feeling the way I do now. I am trying to focus on the positive aspects and changes this therapist has helped me make, but will I truley believe it is enough? I so want to improve my head space, and my life. I guess its going to take even longer, be more complicated and require far more patience than I could possibly image at this time.

Sorry this is not a feel good post I am a bit at a loss at the moment.

Tired and Confused

1Confused12

[appleby]

Hi 1confused12 --

Wow... I am sorry that you finally got to this place of greater trust and wanting to share with your therapist and then you that learn he is leaving...

That is really hard.

You probably have at least few sessions before terminating -- I think that this can be an opportunity to talk about some of these feelings, about the work you and he did that got you to that point. Even though it will be the end of your working with him, this has been an important relationship and in termination you can still do some good work with him. Also to express the grief associated with his leaving. Sharing those feelings is a continuation of the feelings that you have had.

And then it would be good to talk with him about a new therapist, reviewing the work you did with him and the next steps in terms of work with a new therapist.

It's really hard to finally get to a place of trust with someone (a therapist) and then learn that they are going to leave. What is important is that you did have that experience, so you know that you can allow yourself to become that vulnerable, so it can be possible for you to connect with another therapist and start adressing thoe important issues you want to address.

I encourage you to use your final sessions with him to explore these issues and to discuss getting a new therapist -- hopefully he can provide you with some referrals.

Good luck, 1 confused12 -- we are here for support through this transition...

Take care.

AB

[appleby]

PS --

And I acknowledge that the following post is really about me, and I want to be sure that in sharing I don't "hijack" the thread to make it about me - I want 1confused12 to get lots of support from us here...

I recently went through an awful termination which is chronicled in another thread. If you have read it, I want you know that I believe that my termination was not typical. While most terminations are hard because of the feelings of loss, there is usually a lot of positive that can be accomplished in the final sessions.

Unfortunately for me, my therapist had her own issues and was no longer therapeutic in the end and I sort of got cheated from having the kind of ending I talk about for you. For me it did validate the fact that it was time for me to leave, and in retrospect, it probably would have been healthier for me to leave a lot sooner.

On the other hand, I have found a new therapist, and I am starting again. I believe that this therapist is well trained clinically and has knowledge of the issues I present. There is still grief for me in leaving my previous therapist which I need to express, and hurt in the way the therapy ended, but I am now forging a new relationship with this therapist and I truly believe that I will be able to address important personal issues with her.

1confused12 -- I just wanted to let you know that my purpose in sharing this was to acknowledge what I'd already shared about my termination which did not go well, but that despite that, I still believe in termination as very important part of therapy where some good work and new learnings can be done even with the feelings of loss. And I believe that it can be that way for you.

I am also wanting to offer you hope in terms of finding a new therapist and in being able to trust that person so you can address the issues that you need to.

Thinking of you --

AB

[Mark]

That sucks that your therapist is leaving! But, there are things in life that suck, and ultimately you have to cope with them.

People react differently when a therapist needs to terminate with them. Many wonder if they will ever be able to trust a therapist again. Some decide that this is impossible that they ever could feel trusting again and don't try, while others try. Of those that try, some meet with a new therapist and feel terribly dissapointed and others find a good connection with a new therapist.

It's helpful to realize that getting into a good therapy rapport with a therapist is as delicate a process as finding a lover, and that when a love relationship ends, you cannot go forward judging new potential lovers by the standard of the former lover. Instead, you have to take each new person as an individual and allow the chemistry that will form between you and that new person to flow and not prejudge it too much. New exciting combinations can occur when you are open to them.

It's also important to realize that you may grieve the loss of your therapist, and that you may not feel capable of being open for a bit. But, I do urge you to remain as open as you can. Life is defined by change, and this is a part of the change in your life and you CAN adapt to it, and you may even find that (as things begin to settle down again in the future) that things are even better than they were before. It's easier when you've been through a few cycles of such dramatic changes and have seen that they come out okay, but even without that ... it can still work out fine. Work on your open attitude and try not to force a new therapist into an old mold, and that will help you adapt as you go forward.

Hope this is useful to you.

[confused12]

Thank you Appleby and Mark,

Appleby thanks for sharing I am happy for you to share your experiences at anytime even if it a thread I have started. I haven't read other threads yet as I have been working on keeping myself together enought to do the day to day things (hence my absence from here) I am now at a place where I think I start looking about for information which will help the termination process.

Thank you both Mark and Appleby for pointing out the grief process (I am cringeing a bit). I have just realised through your post that this may be a opportunity to really understand me a little better. By this I mean that I have not worked through past grief, so there is an opportunity. Now I am a little concerned that I will start mixing the past emotions with the present. But at least I am now aware of this will try and keep it in check.

As for change I am work with it on a daily basis but often do it disconnected from my emotions (does this make sense? Change happens and I just go with it without question or emotion). I want to stay connected this time so I will be able to process this personal change.

I will try and stay open, as I can now see that the risks I have taken with my therapy have been worth while even if they haven't felt that way at the time.

Thank you for the support

1 Confused 1 2

[Catmom]

Now I am a little concerned that I will start mixing the past emotions with the present. But at least I am now aware of this will try and keep it in check.

Hi Confused,

I am going through a similar grief process in that I am terminating with a therapist with whom I have worked for over 3 1/2 years. I have experienced several large losses in my life (parents & one brother are dead, many beloved pets gone, etc). The point I would like to make is that current grief is always a sort of an echo of previous grief. For example, the termination with my therapist reawakens my own very profound grief over the death of my father over 16 years ago.

While I believe that I did fully feel the loss of my father, the pain recurs from time to time when something like leaving my therapist happens in the present.

You say that you never fully felt grief in the past so I think that you are right that this could be an opportunity for you to more fully process at least some of the backlog of grief you may have.

Please keep us up to date on how it is going for you. I truly have empathy for the feeling of being "gutted" as you so aptly put it.

Catmom

[confused12]

Thanks for sharing Catmom,

Well therapy is still a week away. I have had an eventful week with emotions. My normal automatic response would of usually sent me into the 'nothing' zone but this week has been much different. I have managed to feel at times, (maybe too much at times) and it's new and scary.... I have so many more questions and I am far to tired to ask them or try and explore what they are about. I actually just want stop the world a minute and take a break. The feelings are way out of proportion to the reality I think.

I am still ambivelant about discussing the whole effect of termination and what affect it is having on me.

Slightly exausted:(

1confused12