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not thinking clearly


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I keep doing everything I can to push the people I claim to love away. I have been reading self help books. I have put so much time into learning how to control my emotions. When I think I'm starting to get it I find out that I'm not. I don't understand why I can think out a situation but not comunicate it back. I am trying to find out what is blocking it from coming out. I know I am intelligent but the connection is just not there. I know it is there i just haven't found it.

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Hi qtzdue

I think that it is easy to get confused when we are trying so hard to learn all these new ways of thinking, behaving, acting, new ideas and views that we are not automatically seeing,feeling, or even believing. There is so much information to process and we mabe are not feeling all 100% to put it all into action. for eg. I am learning CBT but in my life it is really hard to take a step away from a situation identify it as a trigger for my social phobia issue, know that I am not seeing, feeling the situation right, that it is my issue makeing me feel that way and not a realistic view. So I am trying to walk away from the situation feeling like a good person not a complete failure/ horrible human being. So my point is just because I am learning the info is not making it easyer for me to put it into my real life. :confused: Did I make sence... I am not sure I did. I am just trying to tell you that all this can be confusing and will as all else take time.

Please take care:o

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It's important to keep in mind that intelligence is not the same thing as emotional intelligence. Or, put another way, there are different kinds of intelligence, and someone can be pretty smart in one regard. So don't beat yourself up with regard to not being able to figure out how to do something emotional differently - it's hard! Only with continued practice will it become easier. It may also be that you need a model and guide to help your practice (such as a trusted friend or a therapist) to get to be able to do the behavior you want to do.

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I have not had a friend since I was a freshmen in high school. My life revolved around the family. We always did everything together or with another member along. The family includes grandparent, aunts, uncles, cousins, sister and mother or who ever was in volved as a significant other. Now that I have written it out the family was an occult and the members and leaders were my mother's side of the family. It was not like Jones town. It was no-one Questioned the leader, grandmother the enforcer would come calling, uncle. and everybody had their role for keeping order. Alcohol and drugs were given to kids like candy. I use to think I was getting away with something until I was old enough to get out and learn to think about things the way you do for a math problem. Well anyway friends did not survive within this environment because it was not allowed. I now understand the reason for this to.

Only thing is I just stop trying to have a friend for so long I am not sure how to go about it. I had this talk with my self yesterday. I had a plan to talk to the first person I saw when I went to the library but I chickened out.

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