gordian knot Posted October 11, 2008 Report Share Posted October 11, 2008 (edited) Respected friends,I would like to hear your thoughts about one of the things I’m struggling with most right now. Therapy has brought out a lot of buried feelings I’ve had, and this is mostly a good thing.However, I’ve identified a pretty big problem about the way I see the world. All joking aside, I am basically a man-hating feminist. I absolutely love women; I worship them and believe they are the highest life forms on the planet. On the other hand, I think men are aggressive, abusive, exploitive, brutal Neanderthals, because they are chemically wired to be that way. The only problem is, of course, I’m a man. So, this means there are aspects of myself that I really, really hate.Interestingly enough, I’m not effeminate in most respects. People don’t look at me and say, “there’s a girly man” or “I wonder if he’s gay”. I identify as a heterosexual male outside & inside, so it’s not an issue of being transgendered or trapped in my own body. I’ve always been described as overly sensitive and sentimental by those closest to me and I have a pretty low sex drive, but I don’t think of these as exclusively (or even primarily) feminine attributes. I have some stereotypical ‘man’ qualities I'm OK with: I wear a beard, I like watching sports accompanied by a mug of beer, I enjoy reading hard science-fiction, and I hate asking for directions.Women are amazing. I feel a mixture of worship and guilt when I talk to them and think about them. Women have traditionally been oppressed in history and are still treated as ‘less’ than men in many respects, even in our own society. Women are exploited as sex objects and told they are not valuable if they do not conform to specific standards of attractiveness. I tend to be attracted to the women my culture pushes as ‘attractive’ and I feel guilty about that. When I am talking to a girl and the thought crosses my mind, “she’s really attractive,” I immediately feel guilt because I fear I am objectifying her and not respecting her as a whole person.I seriously want to be sensitive, concerned, and involved in women’s causes, but I fear that because I am a man, I am seen as trying to infiltrate or take charge when I just want to help. I am an interloper.I fear and hate men in general. Men rape and kill and lord over women and compete in superficial, meaningless, aggressive ways, and have dominated history mostly because they are (on average) physically stronger than women. If you are a guy (as I am), please understand that I do not dislike or fear or intend to disrespect you specifically; I just feel so much anger and self-loathing and guilt when I see the violence and destruction men cause. I look at things like fraternity initiations and exploitive porn and sport hunting and patriarchal groups of all sorts, and I just feel like my soul is being crushed. I can’t believe I’m a part of that. And the thing is, we’re wired to be that way. It just makes me sick.Sorry this is so long. If anyone wants to know, I can tell you more about my background in another post.Peace,Sean Edited October 11, 2008 by gordian knot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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