Sorry for my whole life story, this will be a long one.

[Shattered]

OK, so first off, I have trust issues with everyone around me, even for my boyfriend, who I love dearly and I know he loves me like no other, and Iknow he would give his life for me. I am a very shy, very quiet person and I always felt out of place with everyone. when I was in grade two I had to move to a whole new school and because I was never able to make friend even as a child the only friend that I ever got in school were the ones who had a reason to come up to me and talk. the first friend that I got in elementry was a girl named meaghan. this girl was a good friend of mine up untill the sometime in middle school. we started becoming distent although we were still friends. I was alwasy bullied, by almost everyone at school. the first week of middle school the bullying was so bad that I thow a desk at the wall and walked out. One person ran after me, Meaghan was in my class but the person wasn't her, it was a girl names Vanessa. after I ran out I found a sucludded place and just sat ageinst the wall, Vanessa sat next to me with her arm over my shoulder as I cried. we became friend after that and I dont know when it was that I fell in love with her.

I did have a little circle of a very few 'friend' during middle school, but they mostly only hung out with me if I was with Vanessa or Meaghan,and never out of school, they were more there friends them mine. I found out half way through the year that one of the people in our cirle was moving to DC. after he move he was talking to me on MSN that after he got there and got internet up, he opened an email, sent by everyone else in the circle(besides me and Vanessa). it was a list of everything that they hatten about him. at the end of the year my family moved, I never opened my email. instead just got a new one.

I never had any real friends in highscool, only my boyfriend who started talking to me in my last year in febuary. he had another girlfriend for most of the time. my parents never aproved of him. I hate my parent, I have tried talking to them about my raging depression for a while never, and about my school years, my mother just shrugged her shoulders and said (and I quote) "everone has had a sh**ty time at school, what makes you special? some of my friend left me after school". But she doesnt understand fully, she is able to make a friend by talking to someone for five minutes.... If seen her do it more then enough time. They are pissed that I want to be close to my boyfriend and move in with him, that did approve because we had just started seeing each other even though I told my mother that I was in love with him for years, he just never showed any interest in him or he wasnt available. everything that my perent told me I threw out the window and moved in with him anyway. now were are out of school and both work at call centers. My grandparents own there own store and I have worked there for two years, I left them after I was done school for a better paying job, so they are p*ssed at me too.

All that had been damaging me for years. It seems like everyone hates me and is out to get me. I can't trust anyone.

I thought that my boyfriend would be 'the one'. I love him more then anything. he is smart, loving, he doesnt try to make me something Im not, he is respectfull. everything about him is a womans dream. except that he cheats. the first time he cheat, an old girlfriend of his started talking to him after he had gotten tired of her and just stopped talking to her all of a sudden. this girl named Janie fell in love with him again, she new I was with him and didn't care. she had been trying to suduce a little while after talking to him again. but he would tell her no.... All of a sudden he started hidding all of his messages with her from me, when I was around and she would text him, he would turn so I couldnt see what they were saying to eachother. Every part of my brain would scream 'hes hiding something, he must be cheating, find out.' I tried to confrunt him about him hidding messages and truning away but he assured me that he wasn't cheating, he doesn't like people looking over his shoulder and that it hurt him that I wasn't trusting him. Well, one night I went downstairs to get something from his room that I forgot, he was asleep in bed an his phone was beside him open like he was texting. he was texting, he was texting 'dirty' things to janie. I woke him up right then and asked him how long was it going on and showed him the phone. I was late by two week, during that time he said he wasn't cheating and that he didn't love her. he told me to talk to her and get to know her first. I 'talked' and managed to scare her off. turns out she was trying to saduce another boy at that time. she got the other guy, good for her. she stopped talking to my bf after that.

I figure the threat is out of the way, I can forgive and forget right? WRONG!

he has been talking to another one of his ex-girlfriend for a while now, she even got him to get skype, just for her! anyway same thing, hiding the messages, blah blah blah. I just found out a little while ago that he has been... I saved his MSN messages to my account on his comp.

leaveing him is out of the options, even if its just a break up and I still lived with him in seperate room untill I can move out on my own. its out of the question... Its not about me being scared to leave or anything, just something more then what most people would know about or understand. he tells me that this newest girl is different, the first one was a mistake, he could say no anymore and gave into temptation.

Every human has a wall built around their soul, they built this wall around them, to 'fit into sociaty'. if we didn't have this wall we all would be able to see souls, aruras, travel without our bodies and so on. my boyfriend is completly awoken, he has no wall. he had gotten the newest girl to waken up before but after not talking to my boyfriend in two years, she forgot and built the walls around herself again. he told me that in order for her to remember and wake up again she had to do a the ultimate evil while doing an ultimate good(don't ask about this please but it plays into her makeing him cheat, the ultimate evil). he does see profracies, or 'vision' in a sence. when he is to talk to a person, he resited the one for her to me, pretty much it ment that she is going to find the love of her live and it not him.

I really dont know if I can trust him anymore. I know he loves me, I know he has problems and I know I can't leave him.....

[CantGiveItAway]

Hi shattered:),

I just wanted to welcome you here and I hope youre not discouraged with the lack of responses so far, it seems like its been a slow couple of days here and I think your title might be making some people hesitate, because its hard for people to get through long posts sometimes and its a lot to take in and people dont always know how to respond to that but I hope you keep posting and you dont feel like youre not wanted here.