job losses, university problems, career changes and BPD

[Berniek]

Hi,

I would like to know if anyone else with BPD has experienced the same problems I have. I am 50 years old. I figure I have worked at close to 60 jobs since my 1st one as a paperboy 40 years ago-these jobs include part-time, career, ones I quit or was fired from...

I dropped out of university 3-4 times due to finances and confusion, changed major at least 3 times, transferred to different universities about 4 times, my transcripts are mess with lots of incompletes and Fs.

I have changed careers more times I wish to admit-going from one extreme to another

[Sherzade]

I have BPD and i am afraid that abrupt changes is one of the difficulties of BPD.

Decisions never seem to remain stable as the emotional ground for those decisions changes and so the decisions. Because emotions give you information about who you are and what you want, when you make a decision that feel to be the right decision, but as emotions change quickly, so does the feelings about previous decisions.

Knowing about BPD and how that is manifested in you helps controlling the impulsivity and intensity of feelings inherent to it.

It is so very hard and i am sorry that you go through that.

I find it difficult to belong, to be part of, however i desperately want to belong to somewhere, to someone, to something. This makes it difficult to commit to a job, a person, a group of friends. I must say that i haven't done that bad for myself, but i am not doing what i think i would like to be doing. This may be true or just a part of my BPD. Being so unsatisfied and wanting something else that i don't have now.

I have been in therapy for many years now and i have read and studied a lot about BPD and human development. Still, i face the same internal roller coaster and although i haven't acted on it, i still feel intense self hatred for being so changeable and my worst enemy.

Have you tried therapy?