USMarine Posted October 14, 2008 Report Share Posted October 14, 2008 I am a former United States Marine Infantryman, i served three tours of comat in Iraq losing friends and killing others. I slowly saw my world and myself fall apart every time i came back from iraq. six months after coming home i was back in iraq. my marriage was one of the first things to start to go as well as my sleep, patience, and self respect. when i got out of the Marine Corps i felt trapped by those who loved me, but never could understand me. i got addicted to pills, alcohol, and was always looking for a fight or confrontation with someone, because it was all that i knew how to do. i got tired of the anxiety attacks and not ffeling any emotions for any situation, and i got tired of listening to everyone around me tell me how horrible of a person, father, or husband i was. i knew that i had changed for the worse, but was terrified to do anything about it. i eventually left my wife and daughter because i was to the point of killing myself. By then i had been in the Army National guard for over a year because i felt like i couldn't fit in anywhere else but in the military. While in the Army i met my current fiance; she wanted to serve her country and volunteered for a deployment to Afghanistan. i wanted to show her that i loved her more than anything and that i would do anything to be as close to her as possible, so i volunteered to go to Afghanistan where i am currently serving. She could tell that the war from iraq had been eating me alive and went to our units chaplain about my problem, and at first i felt betrayed, but soon realized that she just loved me more than anyone had ever loved me before. I volunteered to stay at the same base as her and help her deal with the recent loss of her wonderful father, while i worked on my PTSD. I have finally stepped up to the plate and am trying to take control of my dissorder. i meet with a Combat Stress Team health care provider at least once a week, write down and repeatedly read my stories from iraq, meet and talk to my chaplain three times a week; and have signed myself up for anger and stress managements courses. for me the meaning of my life is my fiance, and it is her and only her who has ever loved me or cared for me the way that she does. right now my biggest struggle is fighting off the depression, anger, and anxiety, and have found that the only thing that holds my head above water is hearing from her throughout the day. I feel that even though i am working and trying so very hard on this problem that i have had since 2003, i am losing the battle. i feel like i am alone in a lot of aspects of dealing with this. i will never give up, but want to so so very badly. i'm looking for people that have similar experiences with PTSD, anxiety, and depression; because i am looking for pointers and to feel that i am not the only one out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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