Don't know what to do...

[bcj245]

I am 46 years old, with 4 kids from 12 years through 22 years old.

I think my wife has major depression. She has been on depression meds in the past but under pressure from her family to "stop taking all those pills" (other health issues too). She stopped taking her meds. This has happend one other time which ended up with horrible results (a broken nose for me and other non-physical trauma for the kids).

She lashes out, hates her job, the house, the kids, me. I am no perfect person, but her major comments are that she is not going to be forced to take meds to live with me. I have tried to do everything I can to respond to her criticisms and things she points out bother her, but either way I get the same reaction.

I fear that her depression is deepening and her lashing out is escalating. When I pick up the kids from somewhere, their first question is "is mom OK?", "is she yelling?". Last evening after another long session with me and the kids, she talked about how this was not worth it anymore and that she was thinking about just getting out.

She feels that we all do the least thing we can do to satisfy her and shut her up, which is not the case. I have heard 1000 times "good enough for me", which is her mantra on how we have failed her in some way.

She laments on how she cooks and cleans and picks up and schedules and does everything for the kids, when I do the shopping, the kids do the laundry, the kids and I share the cleaning, and I am coordinating the schedules.

I am doubting myself and starting to almost buy into her conspiracy theories on the kids behavior, and that we should provide a unified front to them. A unified front of her I think tainted views of what they are doing.

She is angry. She would KILL me if she found out that I had posted this. She is 100% absolutely convinced that it is because of me that she is this way and that she has no problems.

I don't know what to do or where to turn. There is no way I could get her to even go to her doctor for normal physical issues (reflux med script is running out, rather than go to the dr, she bought OTC meds), nevermind anything emotional.

We have gone through counseling apart and together. Together her conviction was that the therapist was on my side and I told the therapist what he wanted to hear. For my therapy, she said again I told him my side only. "why don't you tell him this" was the retort every time after I was grilled on what we talked about.

Anybody have any suggestions, ideas, experience with anything similar?

I feel I am starting to lose my grip on the situation.

[Mark]

it may be a depression; it may also be a personality disorder. No way to tell with such little information as you've provided, but sometimes when a person's problem becomes everyone else's problem and they accept no role in causing the problem, and this is a pattern that has been in place ever since you've known that person, it can be more than a simple depression.

How about you going for counseling yourself, on an individual basis? You certainly need the support and advice that a counselor might provide.

The other thing to look into is are you doing what you can to keep your stress managed, by keeping regular life rhythms of sleep, eating, etc? This seems like such small stuff, but it actually works out to be quite important in keeping you on an even keel when the seas are rough.

Mark