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I can see him going down


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Hi, I wrote about a month ago about my husband whose mother and father died all of a sudden in different painful situations an ha was detaching from his family. I know him I love him, though he left home I feel there is something wrong with his behavior. Everybody says I'm stupid for being so concerned since he left me but, leaving me an his beloved girls, not asking about them, now he is not working as good as he was, he is performing bad, canceling work (we live of that work) he is denying everything, he says everything is ok with him, I know him for 16 beautiful married years. He does not seem to feel anything. I could swear he is not on drugs or alcohol, and he was seeing and talking more than normal with a young student of his university. He left everything but is not living with her, he says is nobody but he who made him take that desition (leaving home). I'm ok in thinking something really bad happening?:confused: or I have not understood he just left me and I am seeing a sick person when there is a jerk! He is going to psicoanalisis but he is on the second session and I know it takes more time... I just hope he continues with this help, sincerely hope it. Please help me in understanding he or me and this situation. I am very tired taking care of all. If I need to during his process it's ok, but...what If it is not a temporal situation an he is just leaving...

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Mvpaula,

What a dilemma for you. That is terrible. All we can do is speculate about what is going on with your husband. One speculation is that the death of his mother sparked a mid life crisis that was reinforced by losing his father...a discovery of his mortality? In the absence of information from him, who can know?

I fully understand your wanting to stand by him and I can understand that is something you need to do. Do not listen to these friends. They are well meaning but they are not living your life.

For now, you will have to withstand the confusion, anger, loss and grief you feel. Just remind yourself that this is not your fault.


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Thank you for your words. I am really tired, physically and mentally. I love my girls but 24 hour working mama, no time even for crying. They are doing pretty well but their silence and good behavior also make me think if they are also suffering in silence as we are. Where can I find info on mid life crisis? I know something wrong is with my husband. I read a lot and study a lot and I can feel some undisguised situation is going on, however I'm using no contact with him. Is a correct attitude towards this particular case?

You have a beautiful dog. I am a vet!

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