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How do I get my boyfriend to quit withholding sex?


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I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years now. I am really into sex and he has developed this habit of only having sex with me when he is good and ready. He uses the excuse that I make it really hard for him to be interested. We have a lot of stresses in our life and I am older and heavier than we first met, but sex and sexual play is a stress reliever for me and makes me more light hearted. When he plays the withholding game its make he mad, sad, depressed, frustrated, pretty much everything but happy, carefree, and sexy, which it what he says he is holding out for. I have tried "putting on a happy face" and acting like everything is great, but it doesn't work either. Am I just stupid and not getting that he can't stand me? He says he "really loves me". Please help !

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Have you talked with him about your desires in this regard? In a vulnerable way so that he is aware of your need, your dependency on him in this regard and your frustration? If you approach him in a detached way, he may detach too. If you come at him defensively, he will probably get angry and may become more passive aggressive. If you come at him seeking his help, he may become motivated to help you.

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