I do not know what to think.

[WinterSky]

FAX I SENT TO MY PSYCHIATRIST at about 1:36am CDT

"I’m real sorry, but I forgot to take my morning meds Thursday morning. I got them out for the day, but when I looked in the evening to take my evening meds I had not yet taken my morning meds. A pharmacist at Walgreens recommended I contact you to determine how to proceed. I took my morning meds Thursday evening at 9:15pm. I did not take the trazadone or the risperdal 2nd dose. I took one clonazapam. Again I apologize for being absent minded."

NOTES ON TODAY'S HELL

Called pdoc 8am & is in and they received fax. Called pdoc at 11am. Told woman pdoc hasn't called. She said, “Well he has been seeing patients all morning”. And combined with what she said & the unfriendly tone in her voice as if I were a nuisance, (& also because previously when I felt manic I was not sure if it was an emergency & the girl I spoke to said well we made an appointment for 12:45 pm the next day & I said what do I do NOW? And she said that there are no doctors in the office right now) all that built up I got angry with this woman and said I am also a patient, and I hung up on her. So I did not know what to do. I called another doctor but he was not in and no other doctors were in that office. Called MHMR & they said that the only person that could help me was my own doctor. Then I called the nurse in my GP's office (I forgot to call his office about what he prescribes) and told her what was going on and how do I proceed with the meds I usually take and she said to take my morning meds now and my evening meds at the regular time. Then I told her about my psychiatrist not calling me back and did not know what to do about the meds he’s prescribed me and asked her should I be concerned or do my own thing or what. And she said she could contact his office but still never heard a word. Then someone I talked to said to call ER and so I called an ER and talked to a nurse & he said he could not help me over the phone and suggested I call 911. So I call 911 and they asked me if I needed an ambulance or the police. I said I just needed help with my meds is there a Dr. I could talk to. They said they could send a medical team out to me. I asked if there would be a dr with them or have access to a Dr. and they said no. I said never mind. Then I broke down and cried so hard. Tuesday the pharmacist said that risperdal interacted with paxil and they called the doctor. He did not call back. So I called his office and they said he’s been seeing patients all day….

BACKGROUND INFORMATION

Back in 1989 psychiatrists switched from the therapist role to the doctor/meds only role and I was not told back then about the change at all. My doctor at the time expected me to get the hint I guess. He became extremely distant and disinterested. So I stopped therapy.

QUESTIONS

Are there new changes in Psychiatry as it relates to processes and procedures that I need to know about? Have the trends changed? Is the patient now financially responsible for doctor calls even if the patient just saw the doctor? How are emergencies handled, and what constitutes as an emergency nowadays?

Thanks for listening.

[WinterSky]

Well after my mind cleared a bit, I faxed a note to the lady I hung up on and apologized. I know that they are busy because a doctor recently died there so I guess I understand. I just keep internalizing stuff, I do not know why. Perhaps low self esteem is causing me to be pretty sensitive and also I must remind myself that I am going through med changes right now and also at the same time my father is torturing my mind with his abuse.

Edited October 20, 2008 by WinterSky

[BrainPain]

Winter, you are experiencing something I deal with myself from time to time.

You want some attention. You know that socially, people don't like the "I'm needy and want your attention NOW!" people because you don't like that kind of person either. As a matter of fact, your father is very much the "I DEMAND you attention" person and you, very much like me, DESTEST that need in yourself. So you ping-pong back and forth between wanting some attention to your issues, which for all of us are paramount in our lives and we see very little beyond those issues when those things are whipping our brain butt, and being upset with yourself for reaching out for attention....for almost begging for it.

I went through a bout of this last week. We get ourselves all worked up over our perceived assumptions about other people's thoughts about us and before you know it, we are worried our counselors cannot stand us. This individual who has helped us through so many things in life will finally get sick and tired of us and tell us to find someone else. Well, I've had those feelings too Wintersky. You aren't alone and with our issues and the way we handle them, I can guarantee you that your Doc knows the process your mind is taking right now. Believe it or not, he has more than likely seen you this way more times than you personally remember. And more than likely, your ability to now see and worry about how you are coming across to people is an indication of your doing better.....getting better. Your Doc will see this and probably be encouraged by it. But next time you talk to him, make SURE you talk about this very thing.

It's NOT easy being so brutally honest about your feelings with your counselor. You are, effectively, asking to be criticized. No one likes that. But your counselor won't be critical without also helping you. So please stop worrying about it. Just make a mental decision to talk about this experience with him the next time your in there and it will not only help you to deal with the emotions behind it, it will give your Doc a chance to get to know you a bit better and calm your fears.

[WinterSky]

I just spoke to the lady about what happened last week. I had also faxed a note to see if any procedures had changed. There was one change that I did not know about, and that was the doctor does not make phone calls until 2 days after the date of the last appointment. We also talked about what happened when I discovered I had not taken my morning meds and all the people I tried to get to help me. And I continued to tell her that many said that the only person that could help me was my doctor. I told her how I handled it and she wrote down what I took and how I took it. So when I talk to my doctor tomorrow we can talk about it.

Thank you for your post. Oh, and by the way, please remember that when you respond to another person's post, we are civilians and not one of your men. Have a great day.

[WinterSky]

You know that socially, people don't like the "I'm needy and want your attention NOW!"

When I used the word needy, that was not a word that accurately described what I was feeling. That word came up because a pdoc I used to go to when I was younger told me I was needy. I thought what he was meaning was that I had needs, emotional needs; because I had a brick wall all around me protecting my head and my heart. I was difficult to work with back then because I could not trust.

My needs last week were about meds, a lack of communication on the part of his office, etc.

Since that part of my post was not accurate and was no longer relevant, I edited it out.

Edited October 20, 2008 by WinterSky
typo

[BrainPain]

When I used the word needy, that was not a word that accurately described what I was feeling. That word came up because a pdoc I used to go to when I was younger told me I was needy. I thought what he was meaning was that I had needs, emotional needs; because I had a brick wall all around me protecting my head and my heart. I was difficult to work with back then because I could not trust.

My needs last week were about meds, a lack of communication on the part of his office, etc.

Since that part of my post was not accurate and was no longer relevant, I edited it out.

Please don't take what I said wrong. I'm not sure what you mean by "we are civilians and not one of your men." I've not treated you at all like one of "my men."

I'm not judging you as a "needy" person and you're right, that word isn't very good. That whole phrase sucks actually. It implies a person who has a penchant for being overly dramatic or nasty in their disposition to get what they want due to their selfishness and that's certainly not what I wanted you to think, so I apologize if it came out that way. However, that perfectly describes both your father and my mother. Maybe we should hook them up?

What I meant is that by having certain issues, we can find ourselves being overwhelmed with normal, everyday things that most others who classify themselves as "normal" don't get so worked up about. For me at least, I find that I get "full" very quickly now. What I mean by that is I get to a point where I simply cannot handle any more "stuff" as you called it. And I get overloaded and feel like no one is hearing me. I just want to be heard and helped at the time I get full and sometimes, it seems like people just don't understand what I'm saying. More than likely, I'm not expressing myself well enough.

[WinterSky]

However, that perfectly describes both your father and my mother. Maybe we should hook them up?

Perhaps over Halloween! And watch it all go to hell!

[BrainPain]

Perhaps over Halloween! And watch it all go to hell!

No kidding. I'll give my mom a broom and watch her go....

[WinterSky]

No kidding. I'll give my mom a broom and watch her go....

Sure, I would love to see how they get along! It would serve my dad right to meat his match!

You know my dad is 88, but he looks much younger than John McCain does! (ouch Senator!)