Felt like a wall...I'm confused about this.

[ilovemusic]

I hope it's not a problem posting so many thread topics, I've just got so many questions...

Today, I woke up, did my regular daily routine, and as I went to show choir before school, I felt myself getting lower and lower. When I got there, I was about 5 minutes late. Not a huge problem. I'm late often, unfortunately, and I normally get in trouble for it. Understandable. I need more responsibility...

The problem is, I made the wrong choice and ran away from it. I came home to talk to my mom hoping she could make me feel better. Nope. She ended up telling me everything that was true, but seemed to avoid trying to make me feel better. She eventually told me that she thought I was using depression as a crutch.

After that, I went to talk to my dad. It helped...slightly. Then I decided to go back to school and face the music for skipping that morning.

When I got there, I turned around and came back home. It just felt like there was a brick wall there and that I couldn't do it. I'm confused...Am I just that foolish or is this a normal thing with depression? I'm not down on myself NOW, but a little while ago, I felt like cutting again...I'm just confused and I kinda want someone to tell me that I'm not just lazy or something. Or maybe I am...I don't know...Advice?

...And after reading that over, I feel like cutting again...What the heck?????

[randomperson]

Don't cut if you can help it, just keep writing. Often people don't understand how to help when you are going through depression. The common answer is "shrug it off" which is easier said than done. When you do something right take the time to praise yourself and encourage yourself to do it again. When you do something wrong see it as behavior and not you, look at your mistake see the improvements you will make and move forward.

Most of this takes time to do, just learned it and still working on it myself.. but for me it is helping. We each have to find our own paths. When you find something that helps take notice and see why it helps and use that as a stepping stone to help.