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Treatment options?


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I used to used to use hard drugs to get me through life until they started to end it. I have been close to death from suicide attempts and had many awful things happen to me partly because of my awful decision making skills. I have been clean for over 9 years. I am working full time and going to school. I am really emotionally tired lately. I want to find a part-time job i like so I have more time (I keep applying but no one is calling). I am tired feeling sick all of the time getting behind in school and feeling emotionally cut-off. I can still smile and people think I am always happy. I'm not I am tired and feel emotionally drained. I am not taking medication as most of them make me tired I work and go to school 15 hour days two times a week and drive hours back and forth to work and school I can't be sleepy. I miss having a therapist but they never did anything for me. I never learned anything and I never have manic attacks. I get weird tired dissassociative feelings sometimes, some light paranoia.

Has anyone ever had treatment that has actually helped them? I've been in treatment off and on labeled bi-polar, depressed. I've just always had to be my own cheerleader and try to cheer myself up. I'm not suicidal but this tired numbness sucks. Any ideas?:eek:

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A lot of what you said either describes me or did at one point. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 5 years ago after I attempted suicide and voluntarily committed myself to an out-patient program at a local hospital. At first it was a relief to be diagnosed because I thought, "Okay, there's an actual diagnosed problem, which means I can do something about it. I don't have to feel like this the rest of my life."

Of course then began the odyssey of overhauling my whole life, trying medication after medication until something worked. I even ended up in the ER with an allergic reaction to one med. I did really well at college until my father died and my mother was very ill and I didn't realize how bad it was until I failed out. I had trouble getting to class and keeping focus. I had to re-learn how to be a student when I used to get straight A's without breaking a sweat.

My answer to your question would be: YES, I HAVE FOUND TREATMENT THAT WORKS. But it takes a lot of work on your part, it takes finding a therapist who you develop a good relationship with, and it takes changing almost every aspect of your life.

For example, I go to therapy once a week, take medication, and see my psychiatrist every 3 months to keep up with my condition and evaluate how the meds are working. I journal about how I'm feeling which helps a ton - writing helps you purge your feelings and then you can go back and start to see patterns. I have to make sure to exercise ((which helps a LOT!)), eat every few hours, take my meds on time, and get proper sleep. My life demands a LOT of structure. I don't drink anymore because even one or two drinks makes me feel physically and emotionally crappy. I bought a Blackberry to plan out my days and organize all my thoughts, as well as give me reminders when things need to be done. I try to find little things to modify my behavior, like preparing for mornings ((which are tough for me)) or knitting when I'm feeling anxious and can't sleep and need to be doing something with my hands.

It's a constant struggle. I go through depressive phases where I feel disconnected and introverted. I get upset that I'm in my 20's and I see my friends partying and not worrying too much about their health, and I have to be super careful about EVERYTHING I do.

So much of your treatment will be trial and error. I know that's not the most fun way to find out what works, but so much of what works will be very specific to you. Be wary of anyone who tells you there's one garunteed way to "fix" you.

If you want to ask me any questions, go ahead and contact me. Good luck.

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