inraged Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 i have been with my boyfriend for 16 years. we have 4 kids 12-1 years old an i am pregnant now. he left me about 3 months ago without a word and has refused to talk to me or the kids because his moma said that the children arent his. i have been painfully faithful 2 him.he is hiding behind his momas skirt and has taken a restraining order out on me because i try to talk to him about this when i see him . i feel so much rage and anger that i cant function anymore.i tried to get in and see a therapist but no one could see me until next month. what can I do ? i dont have anyone 2 watch the kids so that i can go to in patient treatment.please give me some advice!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrainPain Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Inraged,I don't blame you for being upset. You've every right to be. But your primary goal in life is to take care of those babies right? I know it's a tremendous joy in your life to be a parent when times are good. Please draw on those good times with your kids to hold you over now. Those children deserve to have a mother who focuses on them and protects them from a "father" like your B/F. If four kids is what he will walk away from, you sure as hell don't want someone like him in your life. Instead, make the SOB pay for the children he helped bring into this world. Did your B/F sign the birth certificates your babies? I'll pray for your well being. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inraged Posted October 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 yes he did and when we went to court on 10/14 they wouldnt give him a blood test and he told them that i cheated . i am tring to be strong for my kids but i am hormonal and feel like i am about to lose control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrainPain Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 If he signed the Birth Certificates, he has to pay child support until HE proves they aren't his. This is the critical difference in his signature being on those Certs. If his sig wasn't on there, YOU would have to pay to prove. If it IS on there, HE has to pay to prove. But since his sig IS on them, he should be paying you child support. That's been true in 20+ states that I've had to deal with my Soldiers on their issues. If you will tell me what State you're in, I'll look it up for your state in particular. Be mad, but direct that anger in a fashion that will benefit your children and yourself. Don't direct it towards yourself. And protect those kids as best you can from your anger and depression. They are innocent and deserve a strong mother because obviously, their father isn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inraged Posted October 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 we live in virginia and his mother pays his support only when he has to go to court inorder to keep him out of jail. he refuses to work because she takes care of him, so i cant garnish his wages . i have to wait until he is 30 days behind before i can issue a show cause for failure to pay. the hard part is the emotional rejection that my children are dealing with and the public humiliation that we feel.i wont talk to any one because i dont want to hear what is being said.the children have tried to talk to him but his mother has begun to yell at them on the phone . my twelve year old looks hurt and confused and my 5 year old asked me why his daddy dont love him anymore. none of this bothers him, and it is hard to see your children in pain and not hurt .it makes me want to hurt him and make him feel physically what we feel emotionally. i am hanging on by a thread! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrainPain Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 It sounds like you're putting the kids on the phone yourself to try and "guilt" this man into coming back. Sure, the kids want to talk to their father. They don't know the difference between a father who loves them and the father they actually have. But in my opinion, and I'm not a Doctor or therapist, just another human being trying to make it in this world, you need to stop calling the man, stop having your kids call the man. They may want to, but you need to start educating them on their level about why there's no contact with dad. I cn't give you advice on what to say to your kids. I don't know your situation well enough and I'm not educated enough on how to deal with this. But I do know you should make absolutely sure you aren't trying to use those kids to get back at their father or guilt their father into doing something he doesn't want to do. I understand your anger and I understand the feeling that he should suffer the way he has made you suffer. But your kids should NOT be placed in a position to be used as leverage to force their father to do the right thing. Stop allowing them to call him, let him call them. He may decide to never contact them again and if that is true, it will make your job as mom a bit harder. But it will be healthier for the kids if they see how their father really is without YOUR interpretation of him being thrown at them. Never talk crap about their father to them. Let them come up with their own assumptions about him. That's just my thougths on it. I'm not blaming you for anything. But you do need to better protect those kids and not allow yourself to use them as tools to cause damage to your b/f. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrainPain Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Oh, and keep taking his butt to court. Request the court put all the expenses on him and his mother for your having to continuously have to go to court to make him do the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inraged Posted October 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 thanks for your honesty and bluntness . i am so hormonaly off balance and crazy right now that my blood pressure is so high that my eyes are blurry. i am just dont know how to cope right now. i think it would be less dramatic if he would have been a man about it at spoke to me directly. i would have helped with obtaining a blood test .i am a honest persson and believe in fairness.The lack of respect is killing me,cause logically I dont want him . he has been battling an addiction the entire time and i had been supportive throughout his struggle.it has not been healthy for me at all.so in august i decided to make myself a priority and go to nursing school and i think he became jeolous because my status would change .so i think he is playing on my weakness and tring to desroy me.He intentionally got me pregnant by removing his condom.i was breastfeeding at the time and wasnt on birth control. so you are correct and i thank you for caring enough to reply.bless you and yours. misty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinterSky Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Hello Misty, excuse me for interrupting. Y'all are having a terrific exchange going here. I know what it is like to be controlled by a man. But the man in my life is my father. I am fixing to post about him in just a minute. But I just wanted to welcome you to the forums. Have you been to the doctor about that high blood pressure? IMO, I think the first thing you ought to do is take care of that and any other physical problems you might be experiencing.Keep talking, you are doing great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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