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My brother


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My step-dad died Jun 20th. My brother showed up to "help" move my mom in with my wife and I and to help clean up their rental house and move my mom's stuff into storage. Next thing you know, all of my Step-Dad's many meds turned up missing. Supposedly "dumped down the toilet", it was evident very quickly that my brother was taking them. Things like hard core pain meds and others like Valium. And he was drinking a lot. Long story short, one day we come to realize that he has packed his car FULL of things I was planning to sell for my mother at a garage sale to get money for her. When my Step-Dad died, they had $200 in their account and it cost $2800 for the cremation. He had my step-dad's guns, his tools, kitchen appliances, computer stuff, a TV, you see where I'm going with this. He even had the balls to ask me if he could borrow my hard shell car top carrier, which is what made me look in his car to see what he was taking. He also wasn't letting us see what he had found as far as my step-dad's list of passwords for websites. Like their banking info. He was saying, "I've got Mom taken care of there, don't worry about it." Luckily, I got suspicious of him before he did any damage there with the credit cards and all that info has since changed.

My brother tried to get violent towards my wife, sister and mother, in FRONT of our kids. He showed up drunker than a skunk after he and his whacko wife went out for "dinner." Just like our father, his "going out for dinner" meant coming back to the house hammered. He didn't realize that I had his number though. He departed the area with more than hurt feelings. :mad::)

The anger, confsuion and tremendously deep sense of loss since this event has been hard. My brother has called us DEMANDING forgiveness. Emailed us DEMANDING BY GOD'S WRITTEN WORD to forgive him. All these demands started just two days after he was unceremoniously ejected from my home. And yes, I made damn sure none of the kids witnessed my brothers "decision" to get into his car and not move a single inch until his wife had loaded all of their stuff and they departed.

This all happened while I was in the middle of treatment for MTBI. I wasn't in the best condition having had brain surgery and all of that, and this little you-know-what took a swing at me for telling him to unload all of Mom's stuff and go find a hotel cause he wasn't sleeping in my house drunk. NO ONE gets drunk on my property period. He knows that. You can have some beers, no problem. But NO drunks allowed. This has been a rule in my house for the last 12 years and even I have only broken that rule once. That was after I came back from Iraq.

Anyway, so last night I'm sitting here at my computer about 0300 and this email comes in. From my brother. It's a forward about forgiving those who trespass against you as you would want others to forgive you should you trespass against them.

When my brother first contacted us demanding forgiveness, I was the only one in the family who tried talking to him. I tried letting him know, and quite nicely, that demanding forgiveness wasn't the answer. We talked one night for about two hours. In that conversation, he apologized repeatedly for the way he acted, said he understood my reaction to his showing up drunk acting like a fool, and then he promptly blamed his behavior on being upset over John, my step-dad, passing away. That doesn't cut it in my book. I used to drink a lot during my 20's when I had some pretty stressful things going on in my life with my job in the Army. But I always took responibility for my actions, or lack thereof, if I screwed something up while drinking. I always took responsibility with my wife for things I said while drinking. Drinking IS NOT an excuse in my book. He knows this about me. Yet when I told him that HE chose to drink and take John's drugs and steal my mothers stuff, that a BOTTLE doesn't make decisions for you, he hung up the phone.

Now, he's obvioulsy wanting me to forgive him. My whole family takes their cues from me. My mom, my sister and my wife. But my wife has had it this time as my brother acting this way is nothing new. She will NOT have anything to do with him again. He has done this kind of crap too many times to us, my mom and sister always defending him in the past. But now, mom and sis are too pissed off at him to defend his actions because the offense was directed at them this time as well as my wife and I. My how opinions change when YOUR affected huh? Anyway, I don't want a thing to do with him. I don't think I love him any more either. The damage over the years has been too great, his selfishness and unreasonable demands too much and he reminds me of my father, but my brother is worse. Even my POS father wouldn't have shown his ass at a time like that.

But I'm torn between my strong, bordering on hate, dislike of my brother and his two daughters. His kids are wonder, intelligent, loving, beautiful, precious, innocent little girls who do not deserve to have a drunk/drug addict for a father or a user, selfish, bubble headed freak show for a mother. His son, who is 18 now, has moved out and will not have much to do with him. He maintains the barest of relationships to keep an eye on his sisters. He says they are doing fine, but have to deal with the disfunction in their home.

I don't know what to do. But having a relationship with my brother is OUT OF THE QUESTION. I can't stand him, but even more than that is the fear and loathing my wife has for him. I will NOT disrespect my wife's wishes because for years, she has respected mine in maintaining a relationship with him even though that maintenance cost us more than I care to recall. That cost measured in emotional pain, frustration and anger as well as financially helping him out once.

But part of me wants to have a relationship with him if for nothing else than to be a part of those little girls life.

But that's like saying I love the way uranium glows in the dark and wanting to keep it next to my bed at night. :mad:

Damn him for putting me in a position to feel this way.

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