Looking for feedback on my posts.

[WinterSky]

If you have run across any of my posts, do they seem easy enough to read? Are they too long or wordy? Thanks...

[BrainPain]

I think you do an excellent job of posting your feelings and thoughts. I was reading some of your blogs and they are very revealing of your inner self.

Why do you ask? Has someone indicated you need to improve your posting style or do you feel like you aren't getting your point across because you aren't getting the answers you want?

[WinterSky]

Thank you for your response. Sometimes I feel that when I do not get a response from a post, then there is something wrong with me and I get sensitive. Then I start deleting my posts out of self hatred. I do not want to do that. It can make me angry but it is the self hatred that is bringing up the anger and not about anyone here.

[BrainPain]

For me personally, I often have to think about something for awhile before I reply to it. In real life, I'm a no BS kind of guy and am quite blunt. I do tend to temper my bluntness with polite methods of saying things, but I do tend to get my point across using my words and body language.

However, on this limited medium of conversation, we don't have the benefit of body language. We rely solely on what we write and a few emoticons to get our points across. So we end up second guessing ourselves and the intentions/meanings of others posts.

I've personally made a decision here to never delete something I've posted although, I've wanted to multiple times. But there's only one way I'm going to get help and that is if I personally seek solutions through Doctor's, therapists and other avenues. In other words, I have to be involved in my own care. Part of that is to talk without trying to "doctor up" how I say it or how I feel about it. No matter how embarrassing it might be.

Relax about your posts. If someone doesn't answer a question you've written, then one of a few things is going on.

1. They have no idea how to respond because either they have the same issues and haven't figured them out or they don't have your specific feelings and don't know what to say.

2. They may not have anything nice or constructive to say and decide to keep their opinions to themselves.

3. They don't want to look foolish and are waiting for someone else to reply before they do.

4. They may think you posted more out of just wanting to say it rather than actually you expecting an answer.

5. They just don't want to get involved.

Any way you look at it, you benefit from getting it out there. So don't stress out over it. Let them stay as they are.

[WinterSky]

That is very good advice. Thank you.

I've been in cyberspace since 1993 to include the Internet (remember BBS's?). I remember the first time I was in a chat room on a BBS and I felt so naked. It was and still is pure thought. We've always had emoticons at least since 1993. Yes I am careful at what I write as well.

That same year I was taking a class over the modem entitled, "Data Communications and Networking". There was a main forum where everyone from different classes can come out and exchange messages. I developed a crush on an English teacher . But when I met him in person he was not at all like I had imagined. I had also developed a kind of crush on my own instructor. And when we had reviews in person before a test, I could not be the person I was over the modem and felt nervous and extremely intimidated. I had been very active in the classroom online and made the highest grade in the end.

At an outing once, some of my friends said the head of Distance Education was attracted to me and was looking my way. I wonder if cyberspace brings out vulnerabilities in people or not.

[BrainPain]

I ran a BBS system out of my house for a few years. All of it off a Packard Bell with an SX33 MHz CPU and a "Whopping" 4Mb of ram and a 110 Mb Hard drive. Those were the days! More 2400/9600 baud modems than I care to remember and guys paid me for access by dropping by my house and giving me cash or beer.

As far as our Internet personality goes, there's both good and bad about the anonymousness of it all. Good because for people like me, I can post some feelings on this forum that I haven't otherwise discussed with others without fear of the people who respond knowing me on the street or in Church. Know what I mean? Bad because a lot of people tend to make themselves into what they WISH they were, but can never actually be.

Then the combo good/bad. People post in a much more direct, relaxed and truthful manner on forums but in real life, are much more reserved and even obtuse. After all, in real life, you can't take a moment before you reply and research things on the Internet to make yourself more informed on the topic at hand. So you feel a bit inadequate in real life conversations.

I've experienced this myself. So I make a concerted effort to be the exact same person on forums that I am in real life. Of course, when it comes to these forums, that's not exactly true. The WAY I say things on here, the attitude with which I make comments on here, is pretty much the same way I will do it in life. But I will speak of things here a lot more freely because I can't be directly analyzed while I'm doing so. I don't have to face my fears of how someone will react to what I say because they don't see me or know me.

People were much more reserved back in the BBS days and I think that those of us who were a part of that early experience on the budding information superhighway developed social ethics that many people who have come onto the sceen after the BBS days lack.

[gordian knot]

BrainPain,

Your previous two posts on this thread have been dead on--so astute and concise. They should put some of this info in the FAQ of the website (and a lot of other message board sites as well). You've accurately conveyed both the 'hanging out there' feelings of someone who has posted without a response and those who do not respond immediately to a new post. Bravo.

And your comments about the changing social scene from the original BBSs (with mostly eggheaded geek types like me!) to the current chat-room and message board culture is right on as well. In 1992 I was a member of a teeming local BBS (with about 60 members--8 or 10 of us were really active). I was rocking my 386/33 DX (with the math co-processor!), 4 megs of SRAM, 40 meg hard drive, VGA monitor, Windows 3.1 and that sweet Hayes-compatible 2400 baud modem!

LOL, this thread has brought me a measure of joy tonight. Great job and great insight, BP!

--sean