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I have to realize I was used


sadgreeneyes
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I have to realize I have been used for visa by both my husband and his family.

I have read stories about victims of marriage fraud. They have lost their life both emotionally and financially, robbed of their dignity and respect. Some have gone into deep depression , some have committed suicide. Many have gotten their life totally destroyed. I am one of them, I have been used for visa and are not needed anymore when he found out I had problems getting the money as fast as he wanted, our case got rejected and we had to start new applying plus I had to apply for the money I need to get him here, and now I am not useful anymore and he wants divorce. We only waited 5 months till our case got rejected and the process usually is 14 months, I said to the immigration office I didnt have the money, thats why they rejected the case so fast. Still my husband isnt willing to wait like one year more to come here, even it would actually take like 5 months more than till december, which would be about 14 months in the first place. He doesnt need me anymore, his own wife whom he just two days ago said he loved.

I have been and are depressed, I wanted to die. But now I feel only in shock unable to function. To experience the shock of having been used for visa is devastating, beyond words. I sit left with a broken heart, shattered dreams, unloved and thrown in the trash when I wasnt useful anymore to get him over to my country.

That people can use and abuse other people like this is unbelievable. But it really exist real cruel evil people out there. It doesnt matter religion, only abusers would be able to treat anyone like this. Even they might think its religion and that this is accepted, its not normal, so it doesnt matter, as I know that many muslim people are good people too, and good muslim husbands who doesnt misuse the Quran, out of context, would never treat their wife like this, whether she is christian/white, like me or muslim. Good people treat all people the same. But my husband uttered one day yes he think he is better than me, that arabs are better than others. Next day on txt he may felt guilt and said and you are better than me. But all in all he said most arabs are better people. Better people?? I was thinking one day to myself, who abuses and uses other people, discriminate other and are racists. The day he said arabs are better people, I said God created everyone the same. No, that wasnt true, he said. How sick isnt it to say this?

It will take me a long time to forget how I was used,how he left me in sin, in sin sexually too, that I was not loved, that I didnt mean anything. I was only for use. I am not sure will I ever be able to find back to who I was before this marriage happened, I do know I will never forget the trauma he has put on me.

It is heartless. And he hasnt txt me today saying he has divorced. If I dont hear anything the next week, I assume he doesnt want to tell me. I was suppose to come see him again, he broke my happiness and now I have to go to Amman in two weeks all alone, two hours away from his city and if he let me go there he sure has divorced me. And if not I will go divorce him when I come back.

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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Hi Greeneyes,

I am sorry, I didn't mean to imply it would be easy. It won't.

My girlfriend left me to avoid the pain and horror of a situation I am in. The stress was too much. The pain and the loneliness is huge. I am not saying my equals yours, but we are both lost in our pain.

I am glad you see this will fade in time.

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What are you wanting?

I'm hearing/seeing a searching for how to go on.

How to actually live, and have happier experiences of being valued and appreciated.

Life, occurs moment, to moment, to moment.

The quality of our experience of these moments which are life, are self determinable.

Oftenly we tend to overlook, and assume one 'has to' feel the way they are, because of this or that occurance. Liberating it becomes in the realization this is simply a belief, possibly handed down, that we ourselves have picked up, and tend to treasure as one might a pebble on the beach, and 'attach' some special meaning or importance to it. (actually the pebble, has no power, but the belief is what gives it power)

Learning to appreciate ones ultimate power and freedom in the beliefs we pick-up, hold, and venerate sometimes as 'truths' goes a long way to fascilitate self-empowerment, joy, and health, if that is what one wants, moment to moment. :) hugs

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Well, I know that I have to start protect myself the way I would protect for example my own daughter, and not put me in situations with narcissists, emotionally unavailable men, when I start protecting myself then I wont set myself up to be abandoned. Right now I have to heal from the pain he has given me, I thought today like all the other days that has gone by that I wont hear anything from him again, like calling txt, but he did today and hang up the phone twice, I dont know why.

I just have to say to myself I am worth more than being treated bad and that I DO NOT have to WORK or accomplish anything to be loved, I have to know I can be loved by who I am, for me and nothing else. As this is what love is. When we love we love the people for who they are, not for what we can get or gain from them. Like I´m thrown away because I dont have the money for example, that is not love. I have to remember that I can be loved for me and if I am not loved for me I am not loved by that person.

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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