Scared of tommorow

[Leo1954]

I am scared of what is going to happen tommorow. My daughter is first going to a pain specialist because of course what is going on. I am narrowing down her Dr.s just seeing to many of them, narrowed down at least to 4 that she needs right now. I just hate seeing her on so many narcotics. Even though some of it helps I hope the shunt will take some pressure off her brain. Sometime this week she comes home with the 48hr. EEG she did this when she was younger but then it was her seizures only and then they got them under control. Now if she keeps having them as strong as they're coming I don't want to knw what the next step is because of the cancer they have spread all over her brain when they were frontal. I jusy don't know what to do anymore it's like I'm winning a losing battle. Plus tommorow I have to go sign papers for my mother to have a feeding tube inserted It' like come on I can't be in to hospitals in 2 different cities within a hr. apart . I don't know how long I will be in with my daughter & then rush over 15miles to be with my mother. I finally had to actually squeeze me a psych. appointment Tuesday morning now I live next to the biggest naval base my appointment is 8:45 don't know how or what time I have to leave to get there on time. I kinda just want to Quit what I have to do for myself my mind is racing back & forth. If I stop the meds I know I'll crash. I did that in 2008 lost so much weight I ended up down to 89lbs. When I ended up in the hospital I had the gray look I knew of course what that meant I don't know what happened until I had to go back to a psych. I kinda feleling what would happen knowing that I'm bpd i don't know if I care or because maybe that will give my mind a mind of it's own. I know I'm rambling I am scared because everything is building up on me and I have nobody to lean on and say anything to me that will say it will be OK knowing it might not happen !

[Waiting]

Hi Leo,

I am sorry that you feel so alone and scared. Although what s happening to us as radically different I feel very much the same. I understand your feeling of just wanting to quit and forget everything. I ramble as well often. I just have to get out what I am feeling. Lean on us as best you can.