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Doctor guilt


Treeline
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It's been a difficult thing, sort of the spine of a very unreliable flimsy existence right now. Firstly I feel maybe 50% of the time that I'm perfectly sane, capable, intelligent and importantly, "normal" in the eyes of others. And when I think that, I feel any issues I have are simply from lack of sleep and utter laziness

So in my mind I spiral on and on like this, between "you're fine, get over it" and "seriously no, you're screwing yourself over and you don't even know it". I went to my GP only once and got a result I didn't expect (considering this was a while back). Basically he suggested cognitive behavioural therapy which I wasn't familiar with at the time, and I felt very let down for some reason, but then I left, feeling grateful anyway.

I just wandered what people had to say about reaching out to professionals. I was so scared of pouring out my feelings and sounding dramatic or even excited about all the names and excuses I could use with a professional tag on them. I didn't want to come off that way so I spoke, with a level head, and sounded like an ordinary guy with mild anxiety issues who seriously needed some CBT. Which I did, to an extent, every eye I view life with is distorted with room for improvement, so there you go. At times I know I can cope, which is what stops me from streaming out shit in front of a doctor if I know I'm better than that.

So I want to hear about other people's disappointments, if they came away from a similar experience having utterly failed to paint the full picture about themselves....the failure in communication just makes me feel like I'm on the fence between how others see me and how I see or want to see myself

Edited by Treeline
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Guest SomethingOrOther

Hi Treeline,

did you get some CBT therapy or is it the gp you didn't tell all about your problems? I don't think it's possible to paint a full picture in a short time and it takes a while to build some trust with people. It can also be that a therapist isn't a good fit, if you feel you can't open up to them.

I'm fairly "functional" too. Sometimes I think this is the worst kind, because it's possible to feel mildly bad for a very long time, when getting help is scary.

S.

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I suppose my point was I was given advice to try out CBT by myself. I sort of expected at least more discussion other than "try this when you get home", which is why I took it a bit badly.

So it was the GP himself. He said I wasn't exhibiting any signs of depression which struck a blow and confused me, until I realized I had been telling him "well it's not exactly paranoia..." "it's not really depression" etc. which was a big mistake! I was trying to soften everything I said. It's not exactly paranoia because I don't think people are *actually* out after me, it's more a higher level of me believing that but deep down knowing I'm safe. But you can only say so much in so little lime, and maybe I should have been more direct. Spoken language doesn't come naturally to me, so under pressure I just "say". It seems to be a combination of what's level-headed, which I say well, and the other stuff which came out scatter--gunned all diluted

To him I must have sounded mildly confused and scattered and in great need of CBT which he gave me, so on his part he did alright I guess, for what he knew.

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Guest SomethingOrOther

I didn't have a problem convincing my gp that I'm depressed, maybe because I started crying. Anyway, he said that if I said I am depressed, it must be serious. I was disappointed with a therapist later, because I thought I had done a lot of excellent talking and she didn't find anything to say about it. Then I went to a psychiatrist to get medication.

Do you need a referal to see a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist? In that case you could directly ask for one, because you want to have your mental issues clarified. I wouldn't rely on the gp for that because he's simply not that qualified. If you find it difficult to put into words, you could also think about taking a written description with you.

S.

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Mhmm, I think a direct referral may be my course of action. I feel whatever the outcome, I'll feel a lot more at ease hearing words from a therapist of sorts. I'm squirming inside, moving from "you're making it up" to "just sort it out!" and maybe it is much easier than I've been thinking. I felt there was an invisible barrier but I know once I'm talking it'll be easier based on the previous experience. Was never going to sort itself out immediately, I think my mistakes were helpful.

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