My morning with a video game

[BrainPain]

I found myself this morning being quite angry.

I slept like crap last night. My joints are hurting me, my headache hasn't gone away in two days now and I'm really fuzzy headed. Yet this morning, I'm finding myself being extremely entertained by violent games. I won't go much into BlackHawk Down more than to say I love to play this game when I feel this way. I was in the 160th in 1993, although I was left at home due to my wife being ready to give birth to our son at any time. I knew all the guys who were lost from our helicopters being shot down.

But I find when I'm like this, violent, war type games sooth me. Whether I'm upset about events in Iraq, or other combat areas I've been in, this one particular game along with a sniper game, brings me down from my anger high.

Between the game, watching videos on Youtube of helicopters blasting away at those ------- I won't say what I feel there, and then taking a vigorous shower I suddenly felt the need to have, I feel a little better. But my head is just buzzing, my ears have this static noise in them and I'm really out of sorts.

And I'm now very tired. So very tired.

Edited October 21, 2008 by BrainPain

[WinterSky]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so bad today. Yes I've known you have been having problems with sleep but I did not know about your headaches and some of the other stuff going on. Keep talking if it helps. Does humor ever help you? Perhaps it can relieve some of the stress? I know of a really good video of McCain I can post. Here it is:

xxx

EDIT: I know you also have brain trauma and the pain is probably from that? So perhaps it is inappropriate to post that here, but I thought I would at least offer it to you if it would help. I hope you get well soon.

Edited October 21, 2008 by WinterSky

[USMarine]

I know what you mean about the video games, but for me it is movies. when i can't get my head out of a rut with iraq, i like to watch war movies with content in them that is exactly like or similar to my experiences from combat. i like to have my fiance watch them with me as well, because like i tell her, it is my way of talking to her without using words, and it gives a visual, audio, and emotional face to what i experienced in iraq.

My head hurts often, i had only been knocked completely unconcious by one explosion in iraq. i was in fallujah in 2005 inside of the small FOB we had established in the city. a large explosion went off about fifty feet from the outter wall that i was standing fairly close to. when the xplosion went off it scared everybody around me and they dropped to the ground or ran for cover, because none of us were wearing any gear, But i didn't budge or even flinch and criticized all the new marines whose first tour it was for acting so cowardly. anyway, a rock the size of my fist hit me just above my right temple, and knocked me out. i was out only about thirty seconds. A nd waking up to having to eat my own words was the worst part.

but to this day i have unexplainable headaches and my ears ring like none other. that explosion wasn't my closest call with an explosion, but although many other explosions had seriously hurt my ears and knocked both the sense and wind out of me, this one was the only one to actually render me unconcious. I hope you're doing alright brother.

[BrainPain]

Thanks Wintersky, that was funny as hell!

Marine, thanks for your reply. A good many Soldiers with PTSD have been doing this. I'm not sure where it comes from or why it's so relaxing on a certain level.

I can watch a lot of war movies and not react too badly to them, but it really depends on the movie. For some reason, the scenes in Ironman *REALLY* got to me. Especially the ones of him with his captors being put on TV. I cannot watch Blackhawk down at all.

But movies about WWII, Vietnam, things of that nature really don't cause me too much harm. Every now and then, the movie makers get the sound of a ricochet just right and it freaks me out. Anything that sounds like a mortar being launched freaks me out as well as the loud, whining sound of an RPG round.

July 4th this year wasn't good. Someone set up a mortar firework type launcher on the property behind ours. The launch of the firework along with the noise of it being propelled into the air totally freaked me out. I was in the back of my truck moving my mothers furniture out of it and into my house when it started. My son was on the smallish utility trailer I had hooked up to the truck. I came flying out of the back of the truck and took my son to the ground to cover him before I knew what was going on. We laughed it off, me pretending like I was just tackling him and being goofy. But when we went inside, my mom saw my face and asked me what was wrong. She said I was white as a sheet, eyes as big as saucers and panicked looking. It was then my son realized what had happened and he came up and hugged me.

Man, I died a little bit right then.

[USMarine]

I too can relate to you about having the same mental, emotional, and physical reactions to sounds of that nature. when in the initial invasion of iraq in 2003 we were fighting iraqi soldiers at a key bridge in Diyala just outside of Baghdad. they had blown the bridge so that we couldn't get our vehicles across so we planned to lay scrap metal across the gaping hole and assault on foot the next day. We were just about to assault across the bridge when we started to get hit hard by iraqi artillery and it was close way to close as the rounds landed among us. the very last round that they fired on us hit twenty meters away from the small building i was seeking cover in.

The round went perfectly down into the troop commanders hatch of one of our amphibious assault vehicles, killing two of my friends and wounding about nine others. fifteen minutes later we assaulted and took the bridge. when i got home i was walking through the mall with my now ex wife. we had stopped to look inside of a window at whatever was on the other side when i heard a loud "Boom!" noise. i instinctively grabbed her by the back of her collar, slammed her into the glass and forced her to the ground as i knealed down over top of her to protect her from debris. shattered glass showered down from the second story and covered her and i.

everyone in the mall around us was looking at me like they were acusing me of being a freak for acting the way that i did, probably because i was very violent with my movements. all the people around us asked if we were ok and came to help, i was enraged and emberassed and swung my fists at one person, and then when they would run i would turn around and go swinging away at the next closest person. i was so mad and emberassed that i had tears in my eyes, and demanded that we leave instantly.

what had happened was that there was a guy pushing a cart full of panes of new glass on the second level, when one of the wheels got stuck and he overturned the cart causing the loud boom sound followed by the raining glass. i continue to react to certain sounds and smells alike. even today a ihad began to seek cover from comeone dropping something near me. i don't know maybe someday this crap will get better. take care of yourself.