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What am I scared of?

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I don't know for sure what it is that I am so afraid of when it comes to expressing my thoughts to my husband. Sometimes I ask myself " Are you afraid that he will leave and you will like it?" OR the one I like the least...I ask myself if I am afraid that I will never have sex again. I love him and want to be able to communicate better with him and I have before asked him if he would consider going to marraige counseling and he flat out refused to go. Now, we don't have any way of paying for marriage counseling even if I could get him to go.

My self esteem has never been the best. Now it is even harder, we are renting a basement from some friends, if it were not for these friends allowing us into their home, we would be homeless, and of course, this is all my fault because I am in charge of the finances.

As much as I dislike "passing the blame" I think that my husband has put me in charge of finances so he does not need to be "the responsible one". Although he knows that he scares me....... does this only give him more power?

Why do I have myself convinced that if he ever hit me, I would leave him? Yet, all the verbal, mental abuse I allow to go on, not only with me, with my children as well?

His father was a physically abusive alcoholic, is it possible that this is where his abusive bahavior stems from? If so, is there any way that maybe I could try to help him work through it without therapy, we just can't afford it right now.

Please anyone who feels they may have some insight or anything to offer, please post it.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Verballyabused,

Well, your husband's verbal abuse is the same or worse thing than physical abuse. I am sorry to have to say this but I can't help but marvel, each and everytime, at how abused women say they love the man who is being abusive. He's abusive to you, so, what is there to love? You don't want to blame him but he is at fault. You say that his father was alcoholic and abusive and that is why he is...so what, that gives him an excuse to abuse you? You fear that you will never have sex again if you confront him. Well, there is divorce followed by other men who will not be abusive and with whom you can have sex.

I don't mean to come across harsh. As a therapist, I have repeatedly seen this dynamic all too often.

I want to be supportive of you and your children. That is why I am being confrontive with you.

What are your thoughts?


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